The Subtle Appeal

The Subtle Appeal
Guest Blog by Pastor Dwayne Bond

Check Dwayne Out at His Church Site: www.wellspring-community.org

Also, Join Dwayne’s FB Group “For Him” Where This Blog Was Originally Posted: http://tinyurl.com/lzsszd

“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13

If I had a fire burning in my lap without me trying to put it out, people around me would think I’m out of my mind. However, if no one knew the fire was burning in my lap there thoughts wouldn’t matter.

Is there a fire burning in your lap that no one else can see? Proverbs 6:27 says, “Can a man carry fire next to his chest and his clothes not be burned?” Why am I talking about fire, burning and whether people know it and can see it?

Although Facebook (FB) can be used as a blessing for God’s glory, it also can be used as a tool of Satan for your destruction. Let’s be frank! Many of us on FB have connected with people that we haven’t seen in years and even decades. We are meeting new people everyday, experiencing life, sharing pictures (typically the best ones so that we can look our best), information and engaging in conversations that range from how many children we have to what you are doing at the moment. It’s a phenomenal means of socialization and networking.

For the most part, the FB social network is public. But FB also has a few built in allowances for “privacy” that allow for more one-on-one interactions, which are fine. But these allowances if not honestly dealt with could, can and will lead to emotional, mental and physical attachments with the wrong people that may destroy you. I know you are saying to yourself, “What, he’s trippin?” “Why does he hate on FB?”

Listen to me, I’m one of FB’s biggest fans with over 400 plus friends but I’m also not naïve to the depravity of man. Man’s heart is wicked, depraved, rebellious and desirous to please itself. Man’s heart combined with Satan’s schemes is a lethal combination. You see, Satan could care less about me and thus desires to use my sinfulness and whoever else would participate to hinder God’s work in my heart and family.

Now, before you write me off as “over the top” let me make sure that you hear me correctly. Using the chat feature, INBOX and whatever other means out there to communicate privately with people isn’t wrong. However, don’t sleep on Satan’s ability to awaken in you a subtle appeal for someone of the opposite sex that isn’t YOUR spouse.

Please feel free to answer a few questions for yourself: Who are you spending the most time chatting with? How often do you chat with them? What do you talk about? Where is your spouse when you are chatting? Could your spouse read your chats and not be offended? What about your inbox? Who is in your inbox? Who are you hoping would send you a message? Whose page are you constantly going to in order to see what they are doing?

Let me help you out! You don’t have to have sex with someone to be out of bounds, committing adultery and in an emotional affair. Affairs happen subtly. It is a subtle appeal that grips your emotions and then controls your desires, body and actions. Everyone who has ever had an affair would tell you that it started out so innocent but ended in disaster.

FB has a wonderful “public face” but I’m wondering how many people are behind the scenes creeping, hiding, lusting, freaking, caught, devastated and now assessing the collateral damage from a lot of bad decisions.

If you are huffing and puffing through this, you may be already knee deep in an emotional affair because you perceive that I’m throwing “cold water” on your flow. If so, good! If you are convicted like me then begin setting boundaries within FB and honoring your spouse and the friends you know and love.

I’m not a legalistic; you set your own boundaries but do take heed…

To the single brothers, make sure you aren’t engaging with someone else’s wife too frequent and too intimately. If her husband can’t read what you are saying to her without getting offended then you are out of bounds.

I know many of you are back in touch with a few sisters from the past but maybe now they are married. Let them BE! The past was the past and it’s time for you to move on… Don’t try to take a sister “back down memory lane” to test her loyalties to the past in lieu of her present marital commitments. This is sinful, manipulative and the carnal side of you lusting after her.

Join me on FB (http://tinyurl.com/lzsszd) making some new commitments, setting some wise boundaries and being honest with yourself as you seek to honor God with this amazing tool that he has given us to steward. Have the type of fun that would honor our King.

Peace.

Web 2.0 and Relationships 2.0

Web 2.0 and Relationships 2.0

In the Internet world, the term Web 2.0 gained prominence in a piece Tim O’Reilly wrote on September 30, 2005. Though some argue that the term lacks precision and that the technology has been in place since at least 1995, Web 2.0 people frequently use the term to mean a new, more connected way the web is being used. It especially highlights applications that focus on web-based communities and social networking.

Web 2.0

Web 2.0 includes things such as blogs and vlogs (video blogs) linked together via sites such as Google Blogs or My Space or YouTube. Note here the 2.0 aspect—people have been writing web logs or online journals for some time. But now they are linked, interconnected. The same with YouTube for connecting videos. In a similar way, individual, isolated articles now are linked together through RSS feeds so that if you want to know about, for instance, John McCain’s campaign, you can automatically receive a plethora of diverse articles from around the county—getting a community view of him rather than a one-sided, slanted view.

Another Web 2.0 innovation includes sites such as Facebook which is an online community that proves the old adage of six degrees of separation. In other words, everyone is connected to everyone else via the friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend.

In fact, I joined Facebook three days ago when my nineteen-year-old daughter urged me to move into the 21st century. In less than 72 hours, I now have over 175 Facebook friends—these are people I actually know—who still want to be my friends! But that’s another story.

Relationships 2.0

My point is to help us “old folks” to understand not only Web 2.0 but what I call Relationships 2.0. Consistently I hear folks from my generation making comments that indicate cluelessness about how relationships work for the 2.0 generation.

For instance, a friend said, “I was on a college campus and people were alone on their cell phones talking, text messaging, and all that. Doesn’t anyone relate anymore?” Whose definition of relating was my friend using?

Other friends have said, “Kids are on the computer all alone all day. They never build any relationships.” Of course, those kids on the computer are likely playing online role-playing video games with friends across the street and across the country, or world. They are likely simultaneously chatting via any number of Web 2.0 social networking sites. And at the same time they are probably leaving “Wall” messages on Facebook profile pages of their friends.

Even when people hear this explanation, they still often say, “But that’s not relating. In the old day, you related face-to-face.”

Well, let’s talk about that. In the old day, you related face-to-face with a few people who lived close to you. Depending how many days you go back, like 100 years or so, travel issues meant that you had few opportunities for face-to-face interaction beyond your family or a few close neighbors. Now some people will jump on that and say, “Well see, at least they did have a few close relationships. As I’ll mention in a moment, that’s possible in the Web 2.0 world also. Additionally, let’s not kid ourselves. Not every person 100 years ago had idyllic relationships. There were lonely, hurting, hurtful, and mean people “back in the day” also.

Post-Modern or Pre-Modern?

People act like Relationships 2.0 are a post-modern invention. In reality, they are more pre-modern. Think about Martin Luther. I did my dissertation on his letters of spiritual counsel. He wrote over 3,000 letters of pastoral care, and received 1,000s back. This was not “face-to-face” relating, but it was deep, intimate, caring relating, nonetheless.

People today assume that you can’t relate via email, text messaging, or online chat. I disagree. Just as Luther could intimately connect with 100s of people through letter writing in his day, so it is possible that we can deeply connect with scores of people today through chat, email, text messaging, linked blogs, social networking sites, and the like.

Now, I’m not saying that every young person today has a network of healthy relationships. Of course, neither did every young person 100 years ago. Neither does every “old person” now.

My point is not to talk about bad, good, better, or best forms of relating. My point is to help my fellow “old folks” to lighten up. We’re never going to connect with the Web 2.0 Generation if we criticize and avoid their ways of relating.

Connecting with the Connected Generation: High Tech and High Touch

For me, rather than rip on it, I’m joining it. I’m a diehard Web 2.0 and Relationship 2.0 person. That doesn’t mean I’ve given up attending my small group in person, doesn’t mean I’ve given up attending church, doesn’t mean we’ve quit hosting parties at our house. I/we continue to do all of those face-to-face relationships.

But, I certainly email endlessly (still working on the text messaging, but I’ll get there). I do some free online chat counseling. I have my fair share of RSS feeds. Obviously, I post blogs on Google and link to hundreds of sites on my web site. As of this week, I’m on Facebook and loving it. I visit YouTube frequently. You get the idea.

The former ways of community building can remain. To them we can add new ways—Web 2.0 and Relationships 2.0 community building. Let’s be high tech and high touch.