Held, Part II

Held, Part II

Guest Blog by Pastor Aaron Tolson

Youth Pastor of CROSS-EYED Youth Ministry

Held has always been one of those songs that tugs at my own heart. Being the father of two amazing young children, I must admit that I can’t imagine losing either one of them. My prayer every night to God is “keep them healthy and strong.” Perhaps my prayer should be “keep ME healthy and strong.”

Then She Was Gone

Less than two months ago, one of the members of the nationally-known group Selah, Todd Smith and his wife Angie gave birth to a beautiful little girl named Audrey Caroline. Their time with their brand new baby was special – seeing as how they knew that her even being alive was a miracle in and of itself. Months earlier they had learned that Audrey had developed several different problems which meant a very small chance at being born alive. For 2 ½ hours, though, Todd, Angie, and the rest of the family were able to share earth with another special little girl. Then, she was gone.

Angie has written several blogs about the experience as well as a letter to her daughter after she passed away. Warning! You will need several boxes of tissues. http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/2008/01/beginning-of-story.html

Then three weeks ago in our service, we showed the clip “99 balloons” which is another story about the loss of a child. Warning! You will need another box of tissues to watch this. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=th6Njr-qkq0

Job-Like Questions

These heart-wrenching stories bring about several different personal responses: a deep love and appreciation for my own children, doubts about whether I would be able to handle a loss like that, and then a question directly for God that goes something like “What are You thinking? What purpose can that serve? Certainly Your kingdom is big enough that You don’t really need to use the death of an innocent child…right?!”

Having recently rolled that around in my head, and coming to some initial conclusions that mesh with my theological musings, it was of no coincidence that the very question should arise from someone else’s experience and present an opportunity for me to minister to them.

This past weekend I worked as a Spiritual Director on a retreat weekend in an undisclosed location in West Virginia. This was an opportunity for individuals within the body of Christ to have an encounter with God and specifically His grace! At one particular point in the weekend, a lady came to me with her pain, hurt, and confusion. Four years earlier, her daughter had gotten sick and within twenty-four hours had died. It was very unexpected and heartbreaking. Their daughter, Nora, was about to turn three.

Nora’s Mom

For four years, this mom had been carrying around some very hard questions that others had been unable to help her gain clarity on. She shared with me that she attends a church that believes in the healing power of God and she has seen God heal others – some quickly, some over a period of time. This reinforced her question about God – why didn’t He heal her daughter? Was it that He couldn’t? Was it that He could, but then apparently chose not to? What was God thinking?! Then she was confused about whether it was ok to feel angry toward God or not! Understandable.

It was one of those moments where there is other stuff happening and time is pressing - this isn’t a sit-down-and-chat counseling kind of moment. I took a split-second mental pause to clear my head and listen for God to speak. Here is what came out:

First, it’s ok for you to feel angry. God created you with emotions – to feel the full range of them, from the greatest joy to the very pit of frustration and anger. God gave you those emotions to experience, not to fight. Don’t condemn yourself for having strong emotions, particularly with regard to the loss of your daughter.

Second, can I speak some truth to you? What if it isn’t about what God did or didn’t do, what if it isn’t about whether God for some reason chose not to heal her – as if to punish you in some way? What if it is about God allowing the consequences of sin. This got her attention, and I know exactly what was going through her mind – she was expecting me to launch into some talk about God’s judgment for some sin in her (or her husband’s) life that resulted in the death of her daughter. But that is NOT where I was going… Instead, I took her back to the Garden. We reflected on the truth that God created Adam and Eve and placed them in a place that they could enjoy. Sin, however, resulted in several consequences, one of which is a sin-cursed earth filled with death, diseases, and things that just don’t agree with the virility of our human life.

I have come to believe firmly that God is a Creator who is filled with joy, and delight, and can’t help but continue to be creative. He creates things that know how to create more things! The Bible says that before the foundations of the earth He knew me – and He knew Nora as well. He knew that she would be alive for only 3 years. He knew that Audrey Caroline Smith would only last 2 hours. But they are just as much Image Bearers as you or I are. They are an expression of His creativity no matter how short or long they exist here on earth, and He delights in each and every single human being He thought up, fashioned, created, and placed here on this planet. It was due to His joy and creativity that He just had to create them, to create Nora.

You Are Special: Imago Dei

It reminded me of the story “You Are Special” by Max Lucado. I picture Eli, the wood worker, taking such joy in creating each individual Wemmick – some big, some small, some skinny, some fat, some with hats, and some with big noses – each one a different expression of his creativity! Eli took such delight in his creations simply because He had made them and they reflected a bit of who He was. He delighted in creating Punchinello too. But Eli also knew that when He created Punchinello that he would enter a town filled with other wooden Wemmicks who were going to put stickers and dots all over him, cause him to focus on second-things, and get wrapped up in developing people-pleasing flesh – forgetting all about who it was who made him. But that doesn’t stop Eli from creating or placing him in the town.

Yet, this story doesn’t accurately reflect what we deal with. For Lucado’s story to be more realistic, then the perfect little town where the Wemmicks live would also have to be filled with termites! So, not only was this a place filled with hurting and broken people, but a world that is literally eating away at the Wemmicks’ bodies. This, I feel, is a more accurate picture.

We live in a world filled with broken people. A world filled with termites – things that eat away at our very existence. Yet this is no reflection of the character of the Creator, but rather a statement about the consequences of sin. This also does not make God less joyful or less creative, nor does it take away the pure delight He has with each Image Bearer he places into the broken world. I do believe that His “heart” hurts knowing His creation will only last a little while and that in turn will lead to the hurt, pain, and heartache experienced by other Image Bearers He created.

I continued with the mom. God had already thought up Nora and He so delighted in her that He just had to create her. He took such joy in this little life – regardless of the length of time here. She was a unique expression of His creativity. It pains God to know that you are hurting, but He’s not upset that you’re upset about it. He understands perfectly.

Choose to live in the truth of who God is and how much He delights in you… and Nora.

Finally. Freedom.

Cinderella: The Making of a Princess

Cinderella: The Making of a Princess

Guest Blog by Pastor Aaron Tolson,
Youth Pastor of CROSS-EYED Youth Ministry

Being the father of a three year old daughter has made me quite familiar with the fairy tale classics such as Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, and Cinderella as well as newer stories of princesses like Arial, Jasmine, and Belle. My daughter has several princess outfits that she wears constantly and a few cd’s of beautiful, flowery music to which she loves to dance. Often she will extend an invitation for me to dance with her, and these are the moments I will treasure forever.

Recently I had the opportunity to address the issue of sexuality with some of the teen girls in our youth ministry. While I am normally more than content to let the female shepherds give these speeches, I sensed the need to add to the discussion a few thoughts from the perspective of a father – and ultimately The Father. Sharing my own experiences with my daughter and wanting to affirm them in their femininity and reinforce their value as precious daughters of The King, I used the story of Cinderella.

While we are all very familiar with the story, perhaps you will come to discover another aspect of application just as I did. That is what I would like to share with you briefly – something beautiful hidden just beyond the obvious and in total contrast to the message usually conveyed from this story (and others like it).

Cinderella was not a common girl. No great fortune. No great future to dream of. Hers was a so-called-life filled with the unreasonable demands that others placed upon her. Each day she awoke was another day to simply exist in a sad and unfair world – a world that included the death of her father and the cruelty of her would-be family. Cinderella should have been treated as a common girl at the very least, yet she was treated as a soul-less slave, without care or concern for her well-being. In fact, she is so miserable that she resorts to carrying on conversations with animals – birds and mice in particular.

At the same time in the same kingdom was the prince. A young man whose parents were intent on continuing their royal lineage through his marriage to… well, whoever! It didn’t really matter to them. And so we have the arrangement of a magnificent ball to which all the single ladies in the kingdom were invited to attend. (Parents trying to get life out of their children’s lives – how archaic) Of course, with the help of her friends and a Fairy Godmother, Cinderella finally makes it to the ball, they fall in love, and then she dashes away into the night just before the final stroke of midnight.

The next day it is as if Cinderella has become a new person – hope, joy, and yes – love have found their way into her heart. The focus is (of course) on the prince and the moments they shared together. As an observer to the story, it is our own desire for a happy ending that leads us to root for squire and Cinderella to finally connect – culminating in the most successful glass slipper fitting ever recorded in history! We cheer as Cinderella marries the Prince and becomes the Princess to live happily ever after. The End. (Married folks know that really they have just begun and would love to see the book that continues to follow the happy couple into the victories and defeats associated with marriage… but I digress.)

What I found interesting about this story is that Cinderella’s new identity – becoming the Princess – is dependent upon marrying the Prince. It is implied that the Prince is the one who makes her royalty, when in fact that is hardly the truth! Consider that social classes and standing were a really big deal particularly during this period of history. Those of nobility did not associate themselves with lower class commoners, much less those who were the hired hands or slaves of the common folk. It was one thing for royalty to marry royalty or nobility, but a totally different matter to marry a slave girl.

So while it appears that the love of the Prince is what changes Cinderella’s identity from “slave” to that of Princess, the reality is that he had little to do with it at all. The reality is that unless the King chose to welcome her into the family she could be denied that title and still treated as worthless.

It is interesting to me to see how much focus young ladies put on finding the right “prince” assuming that he has the ability to rescue them from their perceptions of self and bestow upon them a new identity – perhaps one that is more appealing, more beautiful, more lovable. The truth is that only The King can make the girl a princess. Only The King can grant a new identity. Only because The King welcomes her into the family does she lose the old identity and gain a new one.

Young ladies – you’ve missed the point of the story… stop dreaming about the prince. Go to the King.

Tin Man, Part II, Guest Blog by Pastor Aaron Tolson

Tin Man, Part II

Guest Blog by Pastor Aaron Tolson[1]

My wife and I (Aaron Tolson) watched the recent mini-series Tin Man on the Sci-Fi channel over the past couple of nights. I’m not much for sci-fi movies, but I did enjoy the humorous connections between The Wizard of Oz and this version which takes place several generations later…

As with any show, film, or movie, I tend to watch with spiritual-eyes to see what truth is being communicated or happens to lay hidden in the overall story. Someone wise once told me that “every great story has the true story in it.” Here are just a couple of the observations I took away from watching this particular series.

1. Strength Together: So much of the movie kept emphasizing this point. From sisters holding hands and able to face anything, to the unlikely band of misfit heroes who constantly came to each others’ rescue. The divide and conquer military tactic has been around since the beginning of time. The best defense: building strong relationships that will not be broken. Relationships are so important—whether holding tightly to the Hand of God or holding tightly to a spiritual friend.

2. Parental Calling: DG’s (Dorothy) “parents” loved her because they were programmed to do so—to teach her, guide her, and speak truth to her—knowing that one day it would benefit her at just the right time. While we are NOT robots, with the Holy Spirit dwelling inside us we have the ability to love our children in this way and God desires us to do so. Working with teens and their parents, I am too aware of the many excuses parents have for staying out of their children’s lives and how many teens feel a lack of love from their parents. Parents don’t have to be perfect, nor do they need to think that their kid has to “get it” right away. Instead, parents speak truth with the hope that God will bring it to mind exactly when He needs to.

3. Understanding the Heart of God: “If you don't have heart, you don’t have anything” (Tim Man). I would re-word it. “If you don’t have God’s heart, you don’t have anything.” Understanding the heart of God and keeping His perspective central is the key to dealing with the ups-and-downs of life. Living out of our flesh-patterns is easy, but making the choice to seek God’s heart and respond to our circumstances in tune with His heartbeat is powerful! Without that, what do we have differently than anyone else in the world?

4. Our Secret Weapon—Repentance and Forgiveness: I wish I would have counted the number of times some character said “I’m sorry” and other characters offered forgiveness, either verbally or in action, and how each time that response contributed to the momentum of the Light. Contrast that with Azkadellia (the Wicked Witch) who never forgave. Ultimately victory came through DG apologizing to her own sister for the hurt she had caused and risking rejection, failure, and even death to reach back out to her sister. This took DG seeing past the evil appearance and looking to the “good heart” inside. There is so much wrapped up in that 30-second interchange...

5. Truth is Truth: No matter the opinions, perspectives, thoughts, feelings, and accusations, Truth in this movie never changed. The Tin Man had the ability to feel deeply... Raw (the cowardly lion) had the ability to stand strong... Glitch (the Scarecrow) had the ability to think wisely... Tutor (Toto) had the ability to choose rightly... DG had power and authority (even though she didn’t realize it). The Truth was that DG’s mom and dad loved her deeply. The Truth was that there was more going on than DG could understand.

6. The Power of His Presence: This is actually the title of devotionals by Ray Stedman, but it fits perfectly in this story... DG had the power of the Light within her. Once that tidbit of information had been revealed, there were so many times my wife and I hollered at her (via the TV), “Why don’t you use your power!” Hmmm... and why don’t we?! We have the greatest Light of all within us, so why then do we stumble around life feeling worried, confused, and defeated? Why do we submit to the powers of the darkness? Why? Is it that we don’t really know what we possess? Is it that we too often just forget? Or could it be that we just don’t believe it? Christ in you – the hope of glory! (Colossians 1:27)

7. Used for Good or Evil: The whole plot of this mini-series is based on who will get the green emerald and how it will be used. Just like anything else in life, objects are neither good nor evil in and of themselves. It comes down to the choices we make in how we use them. This applies to the Internet, MySpace, Facebook, movies, TV, music, texting on cell phones, social activities, churches, athletics, relationships, clothing, everything! We can choose to use them for evil or for good. We confuse seekers, frustrate believers, and totally miss the point when we make “things” the point. Listening to Father’s voice and conforming my will to His in each situation IS the point!

[1]Aaron Tolson, Youth Pastor, ODBC Student Ministry, www.myspace.com/aarontolson, www.odbclife.org, aaron.tolson@odbclife.org