What Men Can Learn from Godly Women

Getting to Know Susan Ellis, Part Five
What Men and Women Can Learn from Godly Women

Susan Ellis and I co-authored Sacred Friendships. Readers of my blog know all about me. But what about Susan? I'd like to introduce you to Susan through several blogs interspersed over the next week or so.

For part one, please visit: http://bit.ly/2o33WZ. For part two, please visit: http://bit.ly/26MojZ. For part three, please visit: http://bit.ly/1fAmFc. For part four, please visit: http://bit.ly/13Swk6.

*In summary, what can men learn from the women in Sacred Friendships?

I think one of the biggest lessons of the book is for both men and women. It’s so simple and yet we overlook it or try to complicate it. Get to know God and stay intimately connected to Him. Think about any meaningful relationship you have. You know that person’s likes and dislikes, habits, family history, personal history. You have shared memories. That’s what God wants from us and that’s what’s necessary if we’re to have an impact in this world.

As for men in particular, assuming there’s any validity at all to the stereotype that men, in general, tend to be more direct and not as compassionate or nurturing as women, my hope is that they would recognize there is a place and a need for compassion. I would also hope that men would incorporate compassion into their interactions and not leave it solely to the women. And lastly, I hope men would take to heart the idea that ministry is relationship. We can feed, clothe, and house people; we can give them the facts of the gospel, but if we don’t live in community and minister in community, we’ve missed the point of the gospel.

*In summary, what can women learn from the women in Sacred Friendships?

I’ve encountered a lot of women who struggle with perfectionism, hyper-responsibility, and the disease of “shoulds and ought tos.” On top of that, women often compare themselves to other women. I hope the women in Sacred Friendships will inspire our female readers to provide soul care and spiritual direction out of who they already are, not who they think they ought to be. My prayer is that women will embrace their unique skills, talents, personality, and even their quirks and failings; that they will utilize their spiritual giftedness wherever they are instead of lamenting the season of life they’re in or waiting for the next thing.

Laura Haviland had a house full of kids, knew grief like most of us will never know, was left a widow with a large debt, and she still managed to keep her eyes on Jesus and do great things for the Lord.

Betsy and Corrie ten Boom, Amelia Sieveking, and Catharine Brown were never married, but they didn’t let their desires for marriage and children paralyze them. Instead, they embraced life and lived it to the fullest.

Elisabeth Leseur lived a painfully quiet life, married to an unbeliever who often mocked her faith, but she ministered to countless women and her love for her Lord and her husband resulted in her husband’s conversion and dedication to ministry after her death.

The list goes on. The point is, God loves us and will empower us to have impact, if we will surrender to Him. I know it’s often easier said than done, and I hope that the Sacred Friendship women will inspire, encourage, and even convict us and compel us to know and love the Lord and people more deeply.

*Where can people learn more about you and about Sacred Friendships?

You can visit my website at http://www.eternalcommunity.org/ to learn more about me, read my blog, download free resources, read a sample chapter of Sacred Friendships, and purchase a copy of the book.

Supremely Focused on Christ

Getting to Know Susan Ellis, Part Three

Susan Ellis and I co-authored Sacred Friendships. Readers of my blog know all about me. But what about Susan? I'd like to introduce you to Susan through several blogs interspersed over the next the week or so.

For part one, please visit: http://bit.ly/2o33WZ. For part two, please visit: http://bit.ly/26MojZ

*What was the experience like to co-author a book on women, as a male and female co-authoring team?

Working on the book with Bob was a blast, but I can’t honestly say that I thought too much about us being a male and female co-authoring team. We’ve worked together for years so it seemed like a natural extension of what we already did. There were certainly times that we helped each other see something from a different perspective, but how much of that was personality and how much of it was gender is hard for me to say.

I suppose that in itself says something about the environments I’m accustomed to as well as who Bob is. Over the years, I have often found myself in male dominated environments and thankfully, have, for the most part, been treated with a great deal of respect. It’s also very much in Bob’s nature to build bridges and give a voice to the voiceless. Everyone who works with Bob or who has been his student has seen that so it didn’t strike me as unusual or different.

*Sometimes we may get the impression that when women “counsel” it is all emotion and empathy and “touchy-feely.” You found that while women counsel with emotion, they also were unafraid to confront boldly in love. Could you share some examples of that? What could we learn from this today?

Laura Haviland

One of my favorite stories is about Laura Haviland. If you read much about her, you’ll quickly see that she was a devout Christian, very much against slavery, and made no apologies for either. And yet she had the capacity to engage many slave owners and sympathizers in meaningful conversations.

One day she was talking to man who was a Sunday school teacher in his church. He told Laura that he’d have no problem turning in a runaway slave in order to collect the reward money. At that, Laura said she could no longer acknowledge him as a brother in Christ. He was quite offended, saying that was the most uncharitable thing he’d heard. They talked a bit longer, and he asked her to return to his home later that evening to discuss additional points of Scripture related to the topic. She said she would be in prayer before their next encounter and he agreed to do the same. When she returned later that night, he told her there wasn’t anything to discuss because he didn’t think his arguments would stand up. He died not long after that. Laura learned from his widow that he had a great deal of respect for Laura and his attitude toward “colored” people had changed after his conversation with her and that he “died a happy soul.”

Sojourner Truth

One of the most challenging things about writing the book was deciding which women to include and which vignettes. Because Sojourner Truth was included in Bob’s book Beyond the Suffering, we opted not to write about her in Sacred Friendships. But there’s a great story about her at a meeting in Faneuil Hall in Boston. There was quite a large crowd in attendance, including Frederick Douglas who was one of the key speakers. As he was discussing the wrongs done to their race he became more and more worked up, to the point that he concluded the only way to resolve the issue was by blood; they must fight for themselves because the whites weren’t going to do it for them. He sat down and in the midst of the quiet hush Sojourner Truth stood up and simply said in a voice that everyone could hear, “Frederick, is God dead?” An eyewitness of the account says the entire tenor of the meeting changed in a flash. The abuses were very real, but Sojourner thought the conclusion about how to resolve the issue was misguided and she wasn’t afraid to say so.

Commonality: Supremely Focused on Christ

Over and over again we see one unshakable commonality among all the women in the book. They are supremely focused on Christ. That’s something that we all need, whether male or female. When we are grounded in the Lord, we can be freed up to say the bold things, but we must do it in love.

I think that sometimes women are afraid that if they speak boldly, they’ll be viewed as harsh, masculine, or unloving; that they think to speak boldly, especially when it’s a hard or confrontational truth, they won’t be seen as loving. What I hope women will come to realize is that sometimes the most loving thing we can do is to say the hard thing, even if means rejection. Loving enough to risk the relationship takes enormous courage, but it is no doubt godly love.

Learn More

Learn more about Susan at her author website: http://www.eternalcommunity.org/.

Also return to my blog in the coming days for more Susan Ellis author Q/A.