What Men Can Learn from Godly Women

Getting to Know Susan Ellis, Part Five
What Men and Women Can Learn from Godly Women

Susan Ellis and I co-authored Sacred Friendships. Readers of my blog know all about me. But what about Susan? I'd like to introduce you to Susan through several blogs interspersed over the next week or so.

For part one, please visit: http://bit.ly/2o33WZ. For part two, please visit: http://bit.ly/26MojZ. For part three, please visit: http://bit.ly/1fAmFc. For part four, please visit: http://bit.ly/13Swk6.

*In summary, what can men learn from the women in Sacred Friendships?

I think one of the biggest lessons of the book is for both men and women. It’s so simple and yet we overlook it or try to complicate it. Get to know God and stay intimately connected to Him. Think about any meaningful relationship you have. You know that person’s likes and dislikes, habits, family history, personal history. You have shared memories. That’s what God wants from us and that’s what’s necessary if we’re to have an impact in this world.

As for men in particular, assuming there’s any validity at all to the stereotype that men, in general, tend to be more direct and not as compassionate or nurturing as women, my hope is that they would recognize there is a place and a need for compassion. I would also hope that men would incorporate compassion into their interactions and not leave it solely to the women. And lastly, I hope men would take to heart the idea that ministry is relationship. We can feed, clothe, and house people; we can give them the facts of the gospel, but if we don’t live in community and minister in community, we’ve missed the point of the gospel.

*In summary, what can women learn from the women in Sacred Friendships?

I’ve encountered a lot of women who struggle with perfectionism, hyper-responsibility, and the disease of “shoulds and ought tos.” On top of that, women often compare themselves to other women. I hope the women in Sacred Friendships will inspire our female readers to provide soul care and spiritual direction out of who they already are, not who they think they ought to be. My prayer is that women will embrace their unique skills, talents, personality, and even their quirks and failings; that they will utilize their spiritual giftedness wherever they are instead of lamenting the season of life they’re in or waiting for the next thing.

Laura Haviland had a house full of kids, knew grief like most of us will never know, was left a widow with a large debt, and she still managed to keep her eyes on Jesus and do great things for the Lord.

Betsy and Corrie ten Boom, Amelia Sieveking, and Catharine Brown were never married, but they didn’t let their desires for marriage and children paralyze them. Instead, they embraced life and lived it to the fullest.

Elisabeth Leseur lived a painfully quiet life, married to an unbeliever who often mocked her faith, but she ministered to countless women and her love for her Lord and her husband resulted in her husband’s conversion and dedication to ministry after her death.

The list goes on. The point is, God loves us and will empower us to have impact, if we will surrender to Him. I know it’s often easier said than done, and I hope that the Sacred Friendship women will inspire, encourage, and even convict us and compel us to know and love the Lord and people more deeply.

*Where can people learn more about you and about Sacred Friendships?

You can visit my website at http://www.eternalcommunity.org/ to learn more about me, read my blog, download free resources, read a sample chapter of Sacred Friendships, and purchase a copy of the book.

Getting to Know Susan Ellis: Life Lessons

Getting to Know Susan Ellis, Part Four
Life Lessons

Susan Ellis and I co-authored Sacred Friendships. Readers of my blog know all about me. But what about Susan? I'd like to introduce you to Susan through several blogs interspersed over the next week or so.

For part one, please visit: http://bit.ly/2o33WZ. For part two, please visit: http://bit.ly/26MojZ. For part three, please visit: http://bit.ly/1fAmFc.

*Sacred Friendships examined the lives of women care-givers in the 19th and 20th centuries. Who stood out and what can we learn from these women heroes?

Catharine Brown

Catharine Brown was a Cherokee woman born around 1800. In her late teens, she learned about a school run by missionaries and asked her parents to let her go which they eventually did. When we read snippets of her writing or read what others had to say about her, we see an amazing young woman, humble beyond words, who loved and adored the Lord with every fiber of her being.

She loved her people as well and poured herself into her biological family and into the Cherokee nation, praying for them, ministering to them, being a godly example for them day in and day out, often at a great cost to her personal desires.

There’s no question that her life mattered. In the six short years between her conversion and her death she saw both parents, at least two brothers and a sister come to faith in Christ. And yet, if Rufus Anderson had not written a brief account of her conversion and short life no one today would ever have heard of her. As it is, I imagine very few people know anything about her.

That’s what’s so appealing about Catharine. Here was a woman who quietly committed herself to the Lord and lived for Him and those He put in her path. She wasn’t concerned about making a name for herself; in fact, she was quite embarrassed by the attention she did receive. She wasn’t looking for a more exciting ministry. She did what she could for the people in her life. She wasn’t waiting anxiously for the next book on spiritual disciplines to be published. She simply spent time with God.

One day she became so engaged in prayer for her brother that the entire day passed without her realizing it until it became dark. We don’t have to be famous or do something with a huge wow-factor to matter and have impact. We just have to be intimately connected to God. The rest will follow.

Betsy ten Boom

Betsy ten Boom is another woman who stands out. Her situation is very different from Catharine’s. Betsy grew up in a devoutly Christian home and found herself, along with her very well-know sister, Corrie, plunged into dire circumstances. Most people know that Corrie and Betsy were held in Nazi prison camps because they were part of an underground network that helped Jews escape the Nazis.

Most of us are also familiar with The Hiding Place, written by Corrie after her release from the camps. Unfortunately, Betsy did not survive the camps, but we learn a lot about her from Corrie. As Corrie unfolds their story, it becomes very apparent that Betsy’s faith is extraordinary. While Corrie was a believer before their time in the camps, her faith faltered along the way and Betsy basically discipled her in the midst of their living hell. Sometimes she very tenderly and compassionately eased Corrie’s fears and sometimes she absolutely insisted that Corrie do the right thing, no matter how hard or inane it seemed. Corrie eventually took that faith whole-heartedly as her own and went on to live out a life of reconciliation.

Betsy is a great example of a prepared life. She took her faith and her relationship with the Lord seriously and internalized it in the ordinary routine of a simple life. It was that preparation that empowered her to keep loving, to care about her enemies, and to provide soul care and spiritual direction to her sister. Betsy never knew this side of heaven just how much God used her. It’s a good reminder that we don’t always get to choose our circumstances and we don’t always get to see the results of our ministry.

*Of the over fifty women you write about in Sacred Friendships, do you have one or two “favorites” and why?

Amelia Sieveking

I truly came to love each of these women, but one I haven’t mentioned yet is Amelia Sieveking. She was a German woman who lived in the early-to-mid 1800’s. She was like a spiritual energizer bunny. She loved children and developed a free school so that underprivileged children could receive an education. Then she created a society to help the poor. The society was such a great success that similar societies sprung up around the country and even outside of Germany. If that wasn’t enough, when cholera broke out in her community, she literally lived at a cholera hospital for weeks in order to help the patients and assist the doctors.

It wasn’t so much what she accomplished, but how she was able to accomplish it that is so inspiring. She was devoted to the Lord and she took her marching orders from Him. In her autobiography we see how committed she was to her relationship with Jesus. She didn’t make decisions without Him. She knew His voice above all others and trusted that He would strengthen her to do whatever He called her to do. She cared about the things Jesus cares about…people. She was able to relate to people from all walks of life, from the penniless, uneducated woman in a tenement to royalty and she treated everyone with respect. While she was a compassionate and encouraging woman, she wasn’t afraid to confront.

The other thing about Amelia that I find particularly endearing and encouraging is that she was single, not because she didn’t have at least one serious offer, but because she refused to settle. I encounter a lot of single women and when they choose personal desire over God and marry a man with whom they are unequally yoked, it almost always ends in disaster. My hope and prayer is that single women of all ages will take Amelia’s example to heart. We all can learn from Amelia’s example because we all are tempted to let our personal desires win over God’s best for us from time to time.

Learn More

Learn more about Susan at her author website: http://www.eternalcommunity.org/.

Also, return to my blog in the coming days for more Susan Ellis author Q/A.

Supremely Focused on Christ

Getting to Know Susan Ellis, Part Three

Susan Ellis and I co-authored Sacred Friendships. Readers of my blog know all about me. But what about Susan? I'd like to introduce you to Susan through several blogs interspersed over the next the week or so.

For part one, please visit: http://bit.ly/2o33WZ. For part two, please visit: http://bit.ly/26MojZ

*What was the experience like to co-author a book on women, as a male and female co-authoring team?

Working on the book with Bob was a blast, but I can’t honestly say that I thought too much about us being a male and female co-authoring team. We’ve worked together for years so it seemed like a natural extension of what we already did. There were certainly times that we helped each other see something from a different perspective, but how much of that was personality and how much of it was gender is hard for me to say.

I suppose that in itself says something about the environments I’m accustomed to as well as who Bob is. Over the years, I have often found myself in male dominated environments and thankfully, have, for the most part, been treated with a great deal of respect. It’s also very much in Bob’s nature to build bridges and give a voice to the voiceless. Everyone who works with Bob or who has been his student has seen that so it didn’t strike me as unusual or different.

*Sometimes we may get the impression that when women “counsel” it is all emotion and empathy and “touchy-feely.” You found that while women counsel with emotion, they also were unafraid to confront boldly in love. Could you share some examples of that? What could we learn from this today?

Laura Haviland

One of my favorite stories is about Laura Haviland. If you read much about her, you’ll quickly see that she was a devout Christian, very much against slavery, and made no apologies for either. And yet she had the capacity to engage many slave owners and sympathizers in meaningful conversations.

One day she was talking to man who was a Sunday school teacher in his church. He told Laura that he’d have no problem turning in a runaway slave in order to collect the reward money. At that, Laura said she could no longer acknowledge him as a brother in Christ. He was quite offended, saying that was the most uncharitable thing he’d heard. They talked a bit longer, and he asked her to return to his home later that evening to discuss additional points of Scripture related to the topic. She said she would be in prayer before their next encounter and he agreed to do the same. When she returned later that night, he told her there wasn’t anything to discuss because he didn’t think his arguments would stand up. He died not long after that. Laura learned from his widow that he had a great deal of respect for Laura and his attitude toward “colored” people had changed after his conversation with her and that he “died a happy soul.”

Sojourner Truth

One of the most challenging things about writing the book was deciding which women to include and which vignettes. Because Sojourner Truth was included in Bob’s book Beyond the Suffering, we opted not to write about her in Sacred Friendships. But there’s a great story about her at a meeting in Faneuil Hall in Boston. There was quite a large crowd in attendance, including Frederick Douglas who was one of the key speakers. As he was discussing the wrongs done to their race he became more and more worked up, to the point that he concluded the only way to resolve the issue was by blood; they must fight for themselves because the whites weren’t going to do it for them. He sat down and in the midst of the quiet hush Sojourner Truth stood up and simply said in a voice that everyone could hear, “Frederick, is God dead?” An eyewitness of the account says the entire tenor of the meeting changed in a flash. The abuses were very real, but Sojourner thought the conclusion about how to resolve the issue was misguided and she wasn’t afraid to say so.

Commonality: Supremely Focused on Christ

Over and over again we see one unshakable commonality among all the women in the book. They are supremely focused on Christ. That’s something that we all need, whether male or female. When we are grounded in the Lord, we can be freed up to say the bold things, but we must do it in love.

I think that sometimes women are afraid that if they speak boldly, they’ll be viewed as harsh, masculine, or unloving; that they think to speak boldly, especially when it’s a hard or confrontational truth, they won’t be seen as loving. What I hope women will come to realize is that sometimes the most loving thing we can do is to say the hard thing, even if means rejection. Loving enough to risk the relationship takes enormous courage, but it is no doubt godly love.

Learn More

Learn more about Susan at her author website: http://www.eternalcommunity.org/.

Also return to my blog in the coming days for more Susan Ellis author Q/A.

Women's Studes

Getting to Know Susan Ellis, Part Two

Susan Ellis and I co-authored Sacred Friendships. Readers of my blog know all about me. But what about Susan? I'd like to introduce you to Susan through several blogs interspersed over the next the week or so.

For part one, please visit: http://bit.ly/2o33WZ

*Why do you think the historic voices of women have been silenced in church history?

To put it simply, I think women have been blamed for just about anything you can think of since Eve took a bite of the forbidden fruit and for some people, trying to keep women quiet solves the problem.

*To what extent do you think the voices of women are still being silenced in church ministry today?

That’s hard to say. It partly depends on what part of the world and what cultures we’re talking about. It still exists no matter where you are, but it’s more prevalent in some areas than in others. The sad truth is that we will always have some people who have a bias against other groups of people and women happen to be one of the target groups, even in the church.

Certainly, in the US we still have room to grow, but we’ve also seen a great deal of improvement. Anne Judson paved the way for women in missions. Henrietta Mears opened doors and increased the level of respect for women in Christian education. Scores of women have demonstrated the value of women in the social action area of church ministry.

One of my hopes and prayers is that no matter where someone falls on the issue of a woman’s role in church, they will see that women are a vital and essential part of church ministry; that women were also created in the image of God and have been uniquely designed and equipped to be a part of God’s plan for building his Kingdom. Sacred Friendships demonstrates that women have been effectively ministering to and with men and other women since the onset of Christianity.

*As a female, what was it like to research and write a book on the history of women’s soul care? How has the experienced impacted you?

It was great. I was so encouraged by the godly strength and courage of the women we studied. But perhaps even more than that, I was inspired to see the way they infused feminine grace and gentleness with their strength and courage. Many of these women were faced with strong opposition and challenging circumstances and yet, somehow, they never seemed to lose their femininity. It’s impressive to see how great an impact these women had even during times when women were much more stifled than they are today.

One of my biggest take-aways from this experience is that we don’t have to try to be like anyone else. We don’t have to do the things other people are doing. We simply have to do what God is asking us to do. When I was researching Anne Judson, the first female missionary from the US, I felt so inadequate. The only missions trip I’ve ever been on was like an extravagant vacation compared to the life she chose. And, not only did she choose it, she had to fight to get it.

But as I continued my research, I came to internalize what I knew in my head to be true. God has designed each of us differently and uses us to impact His Kingdom in different ways. Our children and next door neighbors need to know Christ just as much as the people living in the most remote and dangerous parts of the world.

How I minister will also look different from how someone else ministers and that’s ok, too. As you read about the women in Sacred Friendships, you’ll see commonalities. They all spoke the truth in love, for instance, but they did it differently. That’s very freeing.

Learn More

Learn more about Susan at her author website: http://www.eternalcommunity.org/.

Also return to my blog in the coming days for more Susan Ellis author Q/A.

Getting to Know Susan Ellis

Getting to Know Susan Ellis

Susan Ellis and I co-authored Sacred Friendships. Readers of my blog know all about me. But what about Susan? I'd like to introduce you to Susan through several blogs interspersed over the next the week or so.

Please enjoy this author Q/A with Susan.

1. Susan, please tell us a little bit about yourself.

I’ve been married to my wonderful husband, Paul, for 25 years. We have two children. Samantha, our youngest, is with the Lord. Our son, Paul, is married to Kristen and they have a beautiful toddler, Jocelyn, whom I adore. My mom lives with us along with our 80+ pound mutt, Daisy.

I have a B.A. in Psychology from the University of Maryland. Then I waited 17 years before going back to school to get my M.A. in Christian Counseling and Discipleship (MACCD) from Capital Bible Seminary (CBS) in Lanham, MD. I started working in the MACCD department the week I started classes. I wore many hats at CBS, including Women’s Mentor, Adunct Professor in the Women’s Concentration, Academic Advisor, Director of MACCD Student Services, and Department Coordinator.

Prior to returning to school, I was a counselor and the Director of Development at an area pregnancy center. At the local church level I’ve been on leadership teams for Discipleship, Moms, Women’s, Counseling, and Retreat Ministries; provided lay counselor training; and ministered through speaking at women’s events. Most recently, I have launched Eternal Community (www.EternalCommunity.org), a ministry devoted to equipping, empowering, and encouraging professional counselors, the clergy, and lay men and women in the art of biblical counseling, discipleship, and spiritual formation through writing, speaking, and consulting. I also partner with RPM Ministries.

When I’m not working, I love hanging out with my family. I also enjoy traveling, gardening, scrapbooking, skiing, horseback riding, and sometimes I even enjoy cooking.

2. Susan, what motivated you to write Sacred Friendships? Why did you choose to write this book?

A funny thing happened on my way to getting my degree. I had never liked history, but I had to take a class called the History of Soul Care and Spiritual Direction. Honestly, I was dreading it, but it turned out to be one of my favorite classes. I wanted to know about the history of Christianity in general, more about the history of soul care and spiritual direction, and I especially wanted to know more about the women who helped shape biblical counseling and discipleship.

Then a few years ago we had the opportunity to develop a Women’s Concentration within our program and I was fortunate enough to be assigned the lead role in that adventure. One of the classes we decided to develop was the History of Women in Soul Care and Spiritual Direction. Shortly after that decision, Bob asked me if I would like to co-author Sacred Friendships. It was perfect timing.

It’s also ironic. Years ago, I wasn’t very fond of too many women. I thought many were manipulative, back biting, and petty. There weren’t a lot of women I trusted beyond family and a few close friends. But the Lord changed all that as He brought women across my path and allowed me to enter their worlds, truly enter their worlds...the pain, the hurt, the disappointments. Many times He allowed me to see where the stubbornness, and hardness came from, and He allowed me to be a part of their spiritual and emotional healing, to share in their sorrows, and celebrate their victories. So, when the opportunity to be a part of this book came along, I also saw it as another way to celebrate what is good and beautiful about women and to give today’s women the gift of a heritage that they probably didn’t know they had.

Learn More

Learn more about Susan at her author website: http://www.eternalcommunity.org/.

Also return to my blog in the coming days for more Susan Ellis author Q/A.