How to Care Like Christ

Be Empowered to Care Like Christ

Do you minister to people’s personal needs and care deeply, but desire further equipping so you can care like Christ?

Do you want to be empowered to use the Bible more wisely, powerfully, and lovingly?

Then attend the RPM Ministries Changing Lives Seminar: How to Care Like Christ.

Select from two upcoming RPM Ministries How to Care Like Christ Seminars:

1. Saturday, October 10, 9:00 AM to 4:00 PM at Grace Baptist Church, 7210 Race Track Road, Bowie, MD 20715.

Cost: $25 per person if registered by October 3. ($35 at the Door.) Your costs include a continental breakfast, a light lunch, the seminar notes, and the full-day seminar presentation by Dr. Kellemen.

To Register:

*Contact Pastor Mark Tanious at 301-262-1767.

*Or, download the online registration at: http://bit.ly/zJMvy

*Or, contact: secretary@gbcbowie.org

To Learn More:

Please visit: http://bit.ly/lX5PG

2. Saturday, October 31, 9:00 AM to 4:00 PM at Mt. Sinai Baptist Church, 1615 Third Street, N.W., Washington DC.

*Cost: $25 per person. Your costs include a continental breakfast, a light lunch, the seminar notes, and the full-day seminar presentation by Dr. Kellemen.

To Register:

*Contact the Church Office at 202-667-1833 and ask for Minister Charles Traylor and the Changing Lives Seminar.

*Or, email Paula Stevens-Lassiter at mtsinaidc@verizon.net

Ten Reasons Why We Can Counsel ... Part II

Ten Reasons Why I Believe We Can “Counsel”
Members of the Opposite Gender
Part II: Reasons 6-10

Note: For part one, please visit: http://bit.ly/tXR7y

Introduction (Repeated from Part One)

I’ve been involved in a fascinating and stimulating discussion with a good friend and co-worker in biblical counseling. She believes that the biblical norm mandates that “counseling” must always be between two people of the same gender.

While I do not agree with her view, I do respect her thinking. Also, I certainly believe that there is much power in same gender “counseling.” It is not “wrong” to “counsel” someone of the same gender. I simply do not believe the Bible says that our “counseling” must be exclusively with members of our own gender.

Now, I’m no fool. I understand that I am going to have people “on both sides” at the very least disagreeing with me, some angry at me, and some even calling me a heretic (it wouldn’t be the first time!).

So why discuss this?

It’s a vital issue. It’s a question I am asked a lot. It’s relevant to ministry today.

So…this is a blog. It’s not a book. It’s not a published article. It’s not the final word. The following thoughts are my random ponderings on the issue pretty much as they appeared in the email string generated by my conversation with my friend.

So…the following views are not “hills I am going to die on.” I express them in the hopes of inviting intelligent, loving spiritual conversations. If you disagree with me, please share comments—speaking the truth in love, like a good “Berean.” If you agree with me, but would say things differently or would include additional reasons, please share those.

Here goes. In no particular order, some reasons why I believe we can “counsel” members of the opposite gender.

6. Titus 2: The Specific Context

Some would say that Titus 2 “mandates” and makes the “biblical norm” same gender “counseling.” But what is the context? And I don’t even mean, “is the historical context true for us today?” (which is an issue that some address). I believe the historical context of Titus 2 has application for us today. But what was the context then and what is it now?

Paul is talking about the specific situation of older women who are experienced wives and mothers mentoring younger women for/in the roles of new wives and mothers (and/or wives-to-be and mothers-to-be). So, yes, of course, who better to help a young woman to learn to be a mother and wife than an older woman/mother/wife?

Likewise, who better to help a younger man to learn to be a godly husband/dad than a mature husband/dad?

These are legitimate roles still today. And training women and men for mentoring focused on the home is very necessary and powerful.

I just do not happen to believe that this one passage ever was meant to imply that a woman could never minister to a man. This one passage does not mandate that every one another spiritual friendship or spiritual direction “counseling” interaction must be female-to-female or male-to-male.

7. 1 Timothy 2:11-16: Collaborative Spiritual Conversations

What about “a woman should learn in quietness…”? And, “I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man”?

These are highly contentious verses. I do not intend to address the full spectrum of issues (such as historical context, application for today regarding local church preaching, etc.). My focus is on what implication, if any, this might have for “counseling” today.

I have studied this whole section in detail. I would translate the lexical meaning of the words in context as, “a woman should not have final authoritative teaching over a man in the church.” (Again, I understand that some would take issue with this translation, with whether this is applicable to the church today, etc. For the sake of argument, I am granting that this is applicable for local church final authoritative preaching.)

However, as I’ve stated, my model of biblical counseling, spiritual friendship, soul care, and spiritual direction is not about final authoritative, directive teaching. It is about collaborative spiritual conversations that seek to relate God’s Word to another person’s life. I do not see 1 Timothy 2:11-15 as prohibiting women from offering spiritual friendship, soul care, or spiritual direction to men.

8. But What About Temptation: Fair Question

Many will say, “It’s not simply about whether women can or should ‘have authority’ over a male. It is about men not counseling women and women not counseling men—primarily because of temptation toward an emotional and/or physical affair.”

Granted, we have all heard the horror stories. However, if we are listening, then we have also heard, increasingly, the horror stories of female “counselors seducing female counselees.” I have a female friend who specializes in counseling women who have been seduced by their female counselors. If she specializes in it, just imagine how often it occurs.

And we have all heard the horror stories of “male pastors seducing male parishioners (especially young boys and teens).”

Thus, we really don’t protect against the temptation toward sinful affairs or emotional attachments simply by “counseling” only male with male or female with female.

What we need are mature, wise males and females who establish the appropriate boundaries and safeguards so that affairs and inappropriate attachments do not develop. Whether it is “formal counseling” or “informal spiritual friendships,” all such relationships must follow established procedures that ensure propriety and integrity.

We ought to empower and equip men and women with the spiritual maturity to engage in what God calls us to do with the wisdom to set appropriate boundaries. Instead, we avoid something good and commanded in Scripture because of something bad that might occur. Out of fear of what might occur in our sinful culture we avoid what the Bible calls us to do to impact our sinful culture.

No one is calling for inappropriate relationships without safeguards. No one is saying that every person is currently ready for one another spiritual friendships with members of the opposite gender. (That’s why the title is “Ten Reasons We Can,” not “Ten Reasons Everyone Must.”) For those without the current personal maturity to handle one another spiritual friendships, the answer is personal discipleship.

9. Potential Sinful Bias: The Potential for Negativity toward Women

I understand that many/most who are against counseling the opposite gender are not “anti-female.” However, in church history and still today in the church there are some who use this topic/issue as one more way to demean, discredit, and marginalize women.

There are men who use “women mentor women” to make women second-class Christians. The attitude can sometimes be, “Women, work with women and children because you are inferior to men.” Such attitudes toward female image bearers is sinful in the sight of God who made us different but equal.

10. Proverbial Wisdom: How God Works

We never build theology on experience. However, proverbial wisdom is a legitimate category of thinking and reflecting.

As I reflect on my life and the lives of many other men and women, I have been greatly ministered to by many godly women. They have been my spiritual friends and biblical counselors in one another ministry and in small group fellowship. Many times other men and women have pointed to these healthy, balanced, ethical, with-integrity, moral, pure relationships as examples to them of how men and women can minister to one another.

I've heard many women, in particular, express how sad it is for them that such fear of impropriety causes men never to have a candid, open conversation with them. They feel as if they are lepers or “Jezebels”—a temptress one must run from. How sad.

God, in His affectionate sovereignty, can choose to use healthy one another spiritual friendships as part of His maturing work in our lives so that we do not engage in sinful relationships. Perhaps it is our Evangelical fear of the opposite sex and the commensurate avoidance of one another spiritual friendships that contribute to the number of affairs we are seeing today.

What Are Your Thoughts?

These are my rambling ponderings.

What are your thoughts?

Ten Reasons Why We Can "Counsel" Members of the Opposite Gender

Ten Reasons Why I Believe We Can “Counsel”
Members of the Opposite Gender
Part I: Reasons 1-5

Introduction

I’ve been involved in a fascinating and stimulating discussion with a good friend and co-worker in biblical counseling. She believes that the biblical norm mandates that “counseling” must always be between two people of the same gender.

While I do not agree with her view, I do respect her thinking. Also, I certainly believe that there is much power in same gender “counseling.” It is not “wrong” to “counsel” someone of the same gender. I simply do not believe the Bible says that our “counseling” must be exclusively with members of our own gender.

Now, I’m no fool. I understand that I am going to have people “on both sides” at the very least disagreeing with me, some angry at me, and some even calling me a heretic (it wouldn’t be the first time!).

So why discuss this?

It’s a vital issue. It’s a question I am asked a lot. It’s relevant to ministry today.

So…this is a blog. It’s not a book. It’s not a published article. It’s not the final word. The following thoughts are my random ponderings on the issue pretty much as they appeared in the email string generated by my conversation with my friend.

So…the following views are not “hills I am going to die on.” I express them in the hopes of inviting intelligent, loving spiritual conversations. If you disagree with me, please share comments—speaking the truth in love, like a good “Berean.” If you agree with me, but would say things differently or would include additional reasons, please share those.

Here goes. In no particular order, some reasons why I believe we can “counsel” members of the opposite gender.

1. “Counseling”: How We Define It

Notice that I have been putting “counseling” in quotation marks. We need to start with what we mean by “counseling.”

I’m big on one another ministry. So for me, “counseling” is simply one another spiritual friendship. I don't see anywhere that the Bible suggests that one another ministry should be exclusively same gender.

Additionally, my model of biblical counseling and spiritual friendship does not focus on final authoritative, directive teaching. It highlights collaborative, “trialogues” where we explore together how God’s Word relates to one another’s lives. I do not believe that this one another practice of collaborative exploration of God’s Word is in any way excluded by any biblical exhortation about women teaching men (see more on this in a subsequent point).

Now, I’m not naïve. I understand that we must address the more formalized relationship of one person who is the recognized “counselor” and one person who is the recognized “counselee.” Even this is not a new issue. Throughout church history people experienced the relationship of a spiritual director to a “directee.”

But again, my definition of soul care and spiritual direction involves a mutual relationship where one person seeks to sustain, heal, reconcile, and guide another person to apply God’s changeless truth to another person’s life.

I do not believe that this spiritual direction practice of collaborative exploration of God’s Word is in any way excluded by any biblical exhortation about women teaching men (see more on this in a subsequent point).

2. Theology of Gender: Genesis 1 and 2 and Creation as Male and Female

I know that some could take our distinct genders to mean that since we are different at the soul level, we should not counsel one another. I would say the opposite.

The idea that it is not good for man/male to be alone, is not only husband/wife, but also male/female. In other words, when we separate by gender in the church, just like when we separate by ethnicity and by age, we lose the beauty of diversity that God has planned.

Males need the unique spiritual friendship insights of females. Females need the unique spiritual friendship insights of males. We need one another.

3. Biblical One Another Exhortations: Let’s Be Consistent

I believe all the one another passages exhort us to offer one another mutual spiritual friendship, soul care, and spiritual direction. None of these passages hint at such commands being directed only toward same gender spiritual conversations.

In fact, when Paul says to speak to one another in psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, the context is across cultures, across socieo-economic lines, and across genders (Colossians 3:11-16). When Paul says, in this same context, “Bear with each other, and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another,” surely no one would say, “That only applies to men with men and women with women.”

Paul says in Colossians 3:9, “Do not lie to each other.” Surely no one would say, “Well, that applies only to men with men and women with women.” Yet, a scant few verses later Paul says, “Let the Word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with wisdom…” (3:16). Sounds like “counseling.” That’s why I would define biblical counseling as teaching and admonishing one another with wisdom, and I would see Paul commanding all believers to engage in such biblical counseling one with another—including men with women and women with men.

4. Biblical Examples: What Do We See in the Bible?

Jesus and the woman at the well provide a biblical example of a male ministering one-to-one with a female.

The relationship of Aquila and Priscilla to Apollos provides a biblical example of a male/female team mentoring (providing spiritual direction to) a male. Some might say, “Wait, that’s a husband/wife team, so that’s not even in your category of “counseling.” That comment just shows how much we’ve been influenced by modernistic, secular images of what “counseling” is.

Aquila and Priscilla with Apollos is exactly the category of ministry I am addressing. One another spiritual friendships with the opposite gender can include husband and wives ministering to husband and wives. They can include “mixed” small groups. The issue is, can we minister to members of the opposite gender? The issue is not simply the “setting.”

Paul’s list of names in the small house churches in Rome is another example of one another spiritual friendship and small group fellowship being across genders (Romans 16).

I plan to search the Scriptures for further examples.

5. Church History: Women and Men Provided Sacred Friendships to One Another

Anyone who reads my new book, Sacred Friendships (http://bit.ly/YmaM1) will see how many godly women mentored godly men. The famous Church Fathers were mentored, time after time, by the less-famous, but equally vital, women of the early church. Clearly, women were spiritual directors for the Church Fathers.

I am not saying that history and tradition are equal to inspired Scripture. However, since my interpretation and application of Scripture is not inspired, and neither is yours, I do want to learn from others in church history. And many great Church Fathers, Reformers, and Puritan men benefited from and believed in the role of ministry “across genders.”

Additionally, throughout church history, male pastors provided “counsel” to women. In many cases, we have detailed descriptions of ongoing “counseling” between male pastors and their female parishioners (this is especially true of the Reformers and Puritans).

What Are Your Thoughts?

Thus ends part one of my rambling ponderings.

What are your thoughts?

Be sure to return for part two…

The Tale of Two Counselors

How to Care Like Christ
Part II: The Tale of Two Counselors

Several years ago, “Tim” (not his real name) shared his story with me. His uncle had repeatedly sexually abused him while he was in elementary school. Tim never told anyone about the damage in his soul until he finally found the courage to tell a pastoral counselor. Hear Jim’s words.

“Bob, it was incredibly hard. I felt so ashamed, but I got the words out—sobbing as I shared. The second I finished, my counselor whipped out his Bible, turned to Genesis 3, and preached a thirty-minute message on sin. Bob, it wasn’t even a good sermon! But worse than that, I knew that I was a sinner. I’m clueless as to how my pastoral counselor intended to relate that passage to my situation. At that second, did I need a sermon on my personal sin?”

Tim did not return for his second session with his pastoral counselor. Instead, he arranged an appointment with a professional Christian counselor. Here is Tim’s rendition of his second counseling experience.

“Bob, at first things went well. My counselor seemed to be able to relate to me, seemed to have compassion for what I went through. But after two months of counseling I was ready to have him help me move beyond sympathy and empathy. I knew that I wasn’t loving my wife and kids like Christ wanted me to. But my counselor kept telling me that I was too hard on myself and that I was too damaged to love the way I wanted to love.”

The tale of two counselors. One hears a sordid story of sexual abuse and immediately responds to his sobbing counselee with a sermon on sin. The second hears his counselee’s longing to move beyond damage to dignity, from victim to victory, and informs him that he’s too disabled to function fully. These two diverse approaches illustrate the ongoing divide concerning what makes biblical counseling biblical. Just what is biblical one another ministry?

Tim’s story forces us to ask ourselves some hard questions. Practical questions such as:

*In your own life, do you tend to be more on the “truth/Scripture side” or more on the “love/soul side”? Why?

*Has anyone ever interacted with you like either of Tim’s counselors? What did it feel like? What were the results?

*What view of the Bible and of “people helping” might have motivated Tim’s counselors?

*What content does a person need to know to be a biblical counselor, pastoral counselor, lay counselor, spiritual friend, soul physician, mentor, discipler, or people helper?

The Rest of the Story

Return tomorrow when we explore how to make one another ministry truly biblical.

Life-Changing Stories for Changing Lives

Life-Changing Stories for Changing Lives

Do you care deeply about hurting and struggling people, but you don’t always know how to care like Christ?

Do you learn best from real-life examples?

Are you convinced that women have much to teach men and women about life and ministry?

Sacred Friendships

Then you want to read Sacred Friendships: Celebrating the Legacy of Women Heroes of the Faith.

Sacred Friendships will equip you to change lives with Christ’s changeless truth.

Its riveting, real-life, page-turning stories will captivate your imagination, encourage you in your personal relationship with Christ, and empower you in your ministry to your spiritual friends.

Co-authors Bob Kellemen and Susan Ellis share captivating narratives from the lives and ministries of over 50 remarkable women spanning 2,000 years. Their powerful lives empower men and women today—speaking with relevance through timeless truths and practical principles.

A Compelling Work

Julie Clinton, President of Extraordinary Women, shares why she is so excited about Sacred Friendships.

“Dr. Bob Kellemen and Susan Ellis, in their compelling work, Sacred Friendships, provide a voice for the voiceless. Like never before, they tell ‘her story,’—the story of our great female forbears in the faith. As they tell it, and as we listen, we do not simply learn historical facts; we are empowered and equipped to practice soul care and spiritual direction today.”

A Superb Presentation

Dr. Timothy George, Dean of Beesen Divinity School and Senior Editor for Christianity Today calls Sacred Friendships a “superb presentation!”

Dr. Robert Kellemen and Susan Ellis have done a masterful job bringing together here a wonderful anthology of the stories and voices of Christian women throughout the history of the church. A superb presentation!”

Sample Chapter

To read a free sample chapter, please visit: http://bit.ly/1S1haj and be empowered by the ministries of Margaret Baxter and Susannah Wesley.

Endorsements

To hear why others are so excited about Sacred Friendships and what they are learning from it, please visit: http://bit.ly/6frbF.

Order Your Copy

To order your copy of Sacred Friendships at 40% off for only $12.99 please visit: http://bit.ly/MG1l5.

Church Leaders

Sacred Friendships, with its built-in discussion and application guide, is the ideal book for small groups, Adult Sunday School, Bible studies, and Women’s Groups. If your church or para-church group would like to order ten or more copies at 50% off, please email rpm.ministries@gmail.com for details.

Professors/Educators/Equippers

Sacred Friendships is perfect for classes on Christian biblical counseling, spiritual formation, women’s ministry, women’s studies, multicultural studies, spiritual direction, and church history.

If you would like to use Sacred Friendships as a required book in one of your classes, email rpm.ministries@gmail.com with the name of the class and your address so you can receive a complimentary professor’s copy.

Reviewers

If you write reviews for major publications or major blog sites and you would like to review Sacred Friendships please email rpm.ministries@gmail.com to receive a Review Kit.

Bloggers

We will be launching a Sacred Friendships Blog Tour on blogs across the country to help celebrate the legacy of women heroes of the faith. If you have a blog and would like to join the excitement (and receive a free copy of the book), please email us at rpm.ministries@gmail.com. To learn more about the blog tour, please visit: http://bit.ly/J7Tpt.

Radio and TV Hosts

If you are involved in Christian radio and/or TV, or know of those who are, and you would like to engage your audience about women in ministry, changing lives with Christ’s changeless truth, and spiritual friendship, please email rpm.ministries@gmail.com to receive a detailed Media Kit.

Newspaper Reporters

If you are looking for a compelling story that gives voice to the voiceless, then please contact us at rpm.ministries@gmail.com. We have a news release for you. Additionally, both Bob Kellemen and Susan Ellis are available for interviews.

Contact

Bob Kellemen
4920 E. 107th Court
Crown Point, IN 46307
219-662-8138
rpm.ministries@gmail.com

A Tornado of Sorrow

Voices of Healing: African American Women of Faith
Part IV: Elizabeth Keckley: A Tornado of Sorrow

Note: Taken from Sacred Friendships: Celebrating the Legacy of Women Heroes of the Faith. For more information on this book, please visit: http://bit.ly/YmaM1

Note: For Part I on Elizabeth Keckley, please visit my blog post at: http://bit.ly/FSNIt. For Part II, please visit: bit.ly/ENWjJ. For Part III, please visit: http://bit.ly/gI1H6

A Tornado of Sorrow

Just a few years after the death of young Willie Lincoln, at 11 o’clock at night, Elizabeth awoke to the news that Mr. Lincoln had been shot. In the confusion of the night, she finally learned that the President was dead. Her first thought was of Mrs. Lincoln.

“I wanted to go to Mrs. Lincoln, as I pictured her wild with grief; but then I did not know where to find her. . .”[1]

Mrs. Lincoln was overcome. Mrs. Secretary Wells asked Mrs. Lincoln who could comfort her. “Is there no one, Mrs. Lincoln, that you desire to have with you in this terrible affliction?”

Mrs. Lincoln responded, “Yes, send for Elizabeth Keckley. I want her just as soon as she can be brought here.”[1]

It’s Normal to Hurt

Bringing her in, Mrs. Wells excused herself and Elizabeth was left alone with Mrs. Lincoln. “She was nearly exhausted with grief, and when she became a little quiet, I asked and received permission to go into the Guests’ Room, where the body of the President lay in state.”[1]

Returning to Mrs. Lincoln’s room, Elizabeth reports, “I found her in a paroxysm of grief. Robert was bending over his mother with tender affection, and little Tad was crouched at the foot of the bed with a world of agony in his young face. I shall never forget the scene—the wails of a broken heart, the unearthly shrieks, the terrible convulsions, the wild, tempestuous outbursts of grief from the soul.”

Shared Sorrow Is Endurable Sorrow

How did Elizabeth respond? “I bathed Mrs. Lincoln’s head with cold water, and soothed the terrible tornado as best I could. Tad’s grief at his father’s death was as great as the grief of his mother, but her terrible outbursts awed the boy into silence.”

In those days, of all people, a formerly enslaved black woman was the one human being on the face of the earth who could comfort the President’s widow. And how? With her empathy. With her silence. With her physical presence. With her loving companionship.

Mrs. Lincoln’s Spiritual Friend

“Every room in the White House was darkened, and every one spoke in subdued tones, and moved about with muffled tread. The very atmosphere breathed of the great sorrow which weighed heavily upon each heart. Mrs. Lincoln never left her room. . . She denied admittance to almost every one, and I was her only companion, except her children, in the days of her great sorrow.”

Mrs. Lincoln’s testimony says it all. “Lizabeth, you are my best and kindest friend, and I love you as my best friend.”

The Rest of the Story

For the rest of the story, please return to this blog for part five . . .

Note: Readers can enjoy the empowering narratives of over two-dozen African American women (and scores of African American men) narrated in Kellemen and Edwards, Beyond the Suffering. For more information, please visit: http://bit.ly/XvsTu

Not Conclusion, but Commencement

Why Some Biblical Counseling Is Only Half Biblical!
Part Thirteen: Not Conclusion, but Commencement

*Note: If you’re disappointed that I’m saying that some biblical counseling is only half biblical, then please read my comments at the end of my first post in this series: http://tinyurl.com/n8k799.

My Premise: Half Biblical Counseling

Some modern biblical counseling considers the seriousness of sin—sinning, but spends much less time equipping people to minister to the gravity of grinding affliction—suffering. When we provide counseling for sin, but fail to provide counseling and counselor training for suffering, then such biblical counseling is only half biblical.

My Premise Expanded: One-Quarter Biblical Counseling

Even when some biblical counselors do address suffering and sufferers, their focus seems to be upon “directive” counseling that exhorts the suffering Christian to be faithful. When we provide only or primarily directive exhortations to faithfulness, but fail to engage in biblical “sustaining” (empathy, compassionate commiseration, sustaining, weeping with those who weep, sharing Scripture and soul, “climbing in the casket”), and when we fail to engage in biblical “healing” (encouragement, collaborative exploration of biblical responses, trialogues, spiritual conversations, scriptural explorations, “celebrating the resurrection”), then such biblical counseling is only one-quarter biblical. (For a fuller development of biblical and historical sustaining and healing, please see Spiritual Friends: http://tinyurl.com/coh23r).

Not Conclusion, but Commencement

This thirteen-part series could easily be month-long. In fact, it could be book-long.

However, it’s time to conclude.

No. Not conclude, but commence.

Even in “final counseling sessions,” I’ve never liked the word “terminate”! It’s like we are dispensing with our spiritual friend.

I prefer the word “commencement” for the final official meeting, because we are celebrating with our spiritual friend his or her commencing a new beginning as he or she connects more deeply with Christ and the Body of Christ and more fully reflects the image of Christ.

So also, in this blog mini-series, I don’t like the word “conclude.” That could imply that I believe I have cornered the market on the right way to do biblical counseling. That’s not my mindset at all. In fact, you’ll note that in this series and throughout my speaking, writing, and consulting, I quote a great deal from “that great cloud of witnesses”—biblical and historical.

The ideas presented in this series are not “Kellemen’s concepts. I believe that soul care for suffering (sustaining and healing) and spiritual direction for sin (reconciling and guiding) combine to offer a biblically and historically-based Christ-centered, comprehensive, compassionate, and culturally-informed approach to biblical counseling and spiritual formation.

That leads to another reason I prefer “commencement” over “conclude” or “conclusion.” This is still just one person’s “take” on what Church history and the Bible have to say about “comprehensive” biblical counseling.

What Say Ye?

I’ve had many, many emails, Twitter messages, Facebook posts, etc., about this series. It’s been fantastic and fascinating.

Let the conversation continue; let it commence.

Let’s all “graduate” to a Berean-like discussion and application of truly comprehensive biblical counseling.

Let’s stir one another on to love and good deeds.

Let’s encourage one another as we see the day approaching.

Let’s sustain, heal, reconcile, and guide one another.

Let’s minister to those who are facing suffering and to those who are battling besetting sins.

Let’s equip pastors, lay people, and professional Christian biblical counselors with and for comprehensive ministry.

Let’s carefully define “biblical counseling” to nuance and represent what the Bible means when it talks about one another Body life ministry.

As I said, let the conversation continue; let it commence.

A Church of Biblical Counseling

Why Some Biblical Counseling Is Only Half Biblical!
Part Eleven: A Church Of Biblical Counseling

*Note: If you’re disappointed that I’m saying that some biblical counseling is only half biblical, then please read my comments at the end of my first post in this series: http://tinyurl.com/n8k799.

My Premise

Some modern biblical counseling considers the seriousness of sin—sinning, but spends much less time equipping people to minister to the gravity of grinding affliction—suffering. When we provide counseling for sin, but fail to provide counseling and counselor training for suffering, then such biblical counseling is only half biblical.

Half-Biblical Counseling Negatively Impacts Body Life

Half-biblical counseling negatively impacts Body life—the natural, ongoing, daily one-another ministry of God’s people in the church. When we define biblical counseling as discerning what God wants to change and confronting sin problems using God’s Word, then we make normal spiritual conversations specialized to a subset of real life.

If I’m at a church picnic with a friend, or at Starbucks with a co-worker, or talking over the backyard fence with a neighbor, I don’t simply want to be thinking, “What need for change do I need to confront?” That stymies true Body life and natural conversations.

So what happens? Sometimes we have sin-spotting conversations. More often, we simply delegate “biblical counseling” to what happens in formal counseling settings between the “counselor” and the “counselee.”

Comprehensive Biblical Counseling Positively Impacts Body Life

“Counseling” already has enough baggage. To me, “biblical counseling” is a subset of full-life discipleship. In fact, I like to use a number of synonyms for biblical counseling to convey how multi-faceted, broad-based, and real-life focused it is:

Spiritual friendship, encouragement, discipleship, soul care, spiritual direction, spiritual formation, mentoring, coaching, spiritual conversations, Body life, one another ministry, etc.

Even my more “technical” definition of biblical counseling seeks to highlight how basic it is to one another ministry:

Christ-centered, comprehensive, compassionate, and culturally-informed biblical counseling depends upon the Holy Spirit to relate God’s inspired truth about people, problems, and solutions to human suffering (through the Christian soul care arts of sustaining and healing) and sin (through the Christian spiritual direction arts of reconciling and guiding) to empower people to exalt and enjoy God and to love others (Matthew 22:35-40) by cultivating conformity to Christ and communion with Christ and the Body of Christ.

Armed with this definition, when I’m at a church picnic with a friend, or at Starbucks with a co-worker, or talking over the backyard fence with a neighbor, I enjoy a full-range of spiritual conversation options. I can be a spiritual friend who response biblically (Christ-centered, comprehensive, compassionate, and culturally-informed) about whatever my friend shares: suffering or sin, hopes and dreams. And, I do so with the relational focus of loving my neighbor as myself and with a mindset of cultivating communion with Christ and the Body of Christ.

A Church Of Biblical Counseling

If we want a church of biblical counseling rather than just a church with biblical counseling, then we must define biblical counseling comprehensively so that it deals with all of life: sustaining, healing, reconciling, and guiding. And we must emphasize that we are doing biblical counseling just as much when we are at the bedside of the grieving widow as when we are in the office with the adulterous spouse. And we must clarify that both consolation and comfort for suffering and confronting and correcting for sinning require more than “input in.” It is more than sharing Scripture. It is always Scripture and soul.

Therefore, we must be sure that our definitions of biblical counseling, our texts on biblical counseling, our seminars and conferences on biblical counseling, and our illustrations and descriptions of biblical counseling give equal time and weight to suffering as to sinning.

Spiritual Friendship: A Normal Feature of Christianity

John T. McNeil, in A History of the Cure of Souls, when speaking of the Apostle Paul’s plethora of passages on soul care, explains:

“In such passages we cannot fail to see the Apostle’s design to create an atmosphere in which the intimate exchange of spiritual help, the mutual guidance of souls, would be a normal feature of Christian behavior.”

Only when we combine issues of suffering and sin, can our ministry become a normal feature of Christian behavior. Otherwise, we become a church with biblical counseling rather than a church of biblical counseling. Otherwise we become sin-spotters and problem-saturated, rather than grace-sharers and one-another-saturated.

A sin-spotting, problem-saturated orientation is neither biblical, nor is it practical for day-by-day living, nor is it conducive to natural, ongoing spiritual friendship.

Where Do We Go From Here?

I have heard some pastors argue, “But Bob, my people don’t come to me with suffering issues. They come with sin issues!” In our next post we ponder what to make of such a situation and how it relates to comprehensive biblical counseling that is church-based.

Why Some Biblical Counseling Is Only Half Biblical: Whatever Happened to Suffering?

Why Some Biblical Counseling Is Only Half Biblical!
Part Two: Whatever Happened to Suffering?

*Note: If you find yourself upset that I am saying that some biblical counseling is only half biblical, then I would ask you to be sure to read my comments at the end of this blog post. Thanks!

My Premise

Some modern biblical counseling considers the seriousness of sin—sinning, but spends much less time equipping people to minister to the gravity of grinding affliction—suffering. When we provide counseling for sin, but fail to provide counseling and counselor training for suffering, then I am of the conviction that such biblical counseling is only half biblical!

Whatever Happened to Sin?

Some might object, “So, are you watering down sin? Are you saying that Christ came to heal our suffering and not to save us from our sin? Are you saying that our primary problem is our suffering rather than our sin?”

No. Actually, anyone who omits suffering in their biblical counseling is watering down sin!

Unlike the Church Fathers, unlike the Reformers, unlike the Puritans, and most importantly, unlike the Bible, we tend to make Christ’s victory over sin predominantly individual and personal, rather than also corporate and cosmic. Christ died to dethrone sin. Christ died to defeat every vestige of sin. Christ died to obliterate every effect of sin—individual, personal, corporate, and cosmic—including death and suffering, tears and sorrows, mourning, crying, and pain.

That’s why twice in Revelation, John shares the blessed promise that, “God will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death, or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away” (Rev. 21:4; see also Rev. 17:7). Christ died to defeat every enemy, every evil, including the devil who holds the power of death (Hebrews 2:14-15), and the last enemy—suffering and death (1 Corinthians 15:25).

Yes, of course, in the evangelism and discipleship process, our first joy is helping someone who does not know Christ to surrender to Christ so his or her sins are forgiven. And, of course, as we disciple one another we want to help each other to grow in their victory over sin’s tentacles.

Whatever Happened to Suffering?

However, our calling from Christ is also to minister to one another concerning sin’s effects—including suffering. That’s why we are called to weep with those who weep (Romans 12:15). That’s why we are called to comfort one another (nine times in 2 Corinthians 1:3-11). That’s why the New Testament calls us to a parakaletic ministry (to come alongside to help, comfort, and encourage one another in suffering). That’s why the New Testament uses the word parakaletic over 100 times!

Christ’s Cross defeated our deprivations—the evils we suffer, and our depravity—the sins we commit. Frank Lake explains Christ’s victory over both:

“The very powers of evil, standing in the shadows behind ‘the mystery of iniquity’ and ‘the mystery of suffering,’ were dethroned by Christ’s active, obedient submission to their onslaught. Therefore, He reconciles to God by His Cross not only sinners, but sufferers. Not only memories of culpable sin which condemn the conscience, but the memories of intolerable affliction which condemn faith as a delusion, these too are confronted by the fact of Christ’s Cross. These passive evils, which are not of the soul’s own making, are not accessible to a pastoral care which can talk only in terms of the forgiveness of sins. Such sufferers are usually not insensitive to their status as sinners. They have sought God’s forgiveness. But, like Job, they complain of the comforters whose one-track minds have considered only the seriousness of sin, and not the gravity of grinding affliction” (Lake, Clinical Theology, pp. 24-25, emphasis added).

Lake makes several astute points.

1. Academic Theology: As we have said, Christ’s died to defeat sin and sins’ effect—death and suffering, depravity and deprivation.

2. Spiritual Theology: “Passive evils” are what some today called “innocent suffering.” Not that anyone is innocent (or sinless), but that some suffering is not directly due to our own personal sin: the woman who is raped, the child who is abused, the cancer patient, the parents of a dying child, the victim of a drunk-driving accident, etc.

3. Pastoral Theology: Counseling such individuals, they typically understand that they are sinners. They want to know if their pastors, counselors, and spiritual friends understand that they are sufferers! If we do not, if we preach them a sermon on sin, then we are like Job’s miserable counselors with their false theology that God is a tit-for-tat God and that every incident of suffering is directly related to one’s personal sin. (See John 9:1-3 for Jesus’ theology of innocent suffering/sufferers.)

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be known as a miserable counselor. I want to be known as a comprehensive, compassionate, and culturally-informed biblical counselor!

Frank Lake again explains what that looks like.

“Clinical pastoral care has, as its introduction, the task of listening to a story of human conflict and need. To the extent that our listening uncovers a situation which borders the abyss or lies broken within it, we are nearer to the place where the Cross of Christ is the only adequate interpretative concept” (Frank Lake, Clinical Theology, pp. 18-19).

Sin and suffering—they both offer us the opportunity to provide wisdom found only in the Gospel. When we skirt our biblical counseling responsibility to minister to the suffering, we limit the limitless power and infinite relevancy of the Cross of Christ.

When we talk about the sufficiency of Scripture but in practice deny the relevancy of Scripture to address human suffering, then we have watered down sin and we have diminished the death, burial, and resurrection of Christ!

When we understand the Cross of Christ, then we practice biblical counseling that combines the sufficiency and the relevancy of Scripture and that unites counseling for the sufferer and for the sinner.

Where Do We Go from Here?

Tomorrow we’ll start addressing the following vital questions.

*So, has anyone else in Church history ever said we must focus on both sin and suffering?

*So, what would it look like to focus on both sin and suffering?

*So, what’s your definition/description of truly biblical counseling?

*Note: Why I Am Addressing This Topic

All who have followed my ministry know that I am about bridge-building and not about wall-building. You might wonder then, “Bob, why blog about something that is surely to be controversial?”

Those who follow my ministry also know that I am about equipping God’s people to change lives with Christ’s changeless truth through comprehensive, compassionate, and culturally-informed biblical counseling and spiritual formation.

Biblical counseling that fails to deal with suffering, fails the test of comprehensive, compassionate, and culturally-informed biblical counseling. I would be a hypocrite to my calling if I remained silent.

Others might wonder, “Are you talking about a particular ‘model’ of modern biblical counseling, or about a particular person or persons who are writing today?”

No. I am not. This is not an attack against. These blogs are not directed toward any one person or group.

These blogs are directed to all of us—myself included—who love biblical counseling. They are for all of us—myself included—who need good Bereans to help us to assess how biblical or unbiblical our approaches to biblical counseling truly are.

I write to help, not to hurt. I write to equip, not to attack. I write to start a conversation, not to finish one.

Please join the conversation.

What to Do After the Hug

Doc. K. Invites You to Learn . . .
What to Do After the Hug

April 4, 2009, from 8:00-4:30, at Emmanuel Temple Church (10005 Old Columbia Road, Suite N-165, Columbia, MD 21046) Dr. Kellemen and RPM Ministries will present the Changing Lives Seminar: What to Do After the Hug.

In one day, participants learn how to use the Bible accurately, powerfully, and lovingly in biblical counseling and spiritual friendship.

You will learn how to change lives with Christ’s changeless truth to become a comprehensive, compassionate, and culturally-informed soul physician.

You will learn how to care like Christ to become an empathizing, encouraging, enlightening, and empowering spiritual friend.

Dr. Kellemen has summarized nearly 1,000 pages of material (from his first two books Soul Physicians and Spiritual Friends) into a forty-page manuscript, a twelve-page outline, and two creative, engaging PowerPoint presentations. Throughout the day, there will be ten interactive discussion times to apply the material to our lives and ministries.

Attend to learn how to equip others.. Attend to refresh your own equipping. Bring your people so they can be equipped and excited about one another ministry.

The cost is just $25, and includes the full-day seminar, a continental breakfast, a light lunch, and the seminar notes.

To register contact Judy Sheppard at 410-935-1821, or Marcia Williams at 410-312-5483, or by email at etca@emmanueltempleapostolic.org.

For a copy of the conference flier, email Doc. K. at: bob.kellemen@gmail.com

The Future of Biblical Counseling, Part 8

The Future of Biblical Counseling
Dreaming a Dozen Dreams

Part 8: Dream Number Seven
Biblical Counseling Will Be Transformative

Welcome to a multi-part Blog on The Future of Biblical Counseling. We need clarity on the issue of what makes biblical counseling biblical. I invite you to join the conversation.

Dream Number Seven: Biblical Counseling Will Be Transformative

Historically the two fields of biblical counseling and spiritual formation were one. It is our dream that they once again become synonymous—hence the Biblical Counseling and Spiritual Formation name and mission.

Progressive Sanctification and Daily Transformation

Biblical counseling applies the principles of progressive sanctification to the daily lives of believers. It does so through spiritual formation which cultivates communion with Christ and conformity to Christ through the practice of the biblical/historical individual and corporate spiritual disciplines.

God’s Role and Our Role in Spiritual Formation

Such transformative biblical counseling will highlight God’s role and our responsibility in spiritual growth through its emphasis on the cultivation of the disciplines that connect us to Christ’s resurrection power. It will underscore the inner life through its emphasis on forming the character of Christ in us—our inner life increasingly mirroring the inner life of Christ. It will accentuate the Body of Christ by encouraging the corporate spiritual disciplines and by equipping believers in the individual spiritual disciplines.

Spiritual Theology of the Spiritual Life

Transformative biblical counseling will require the development of a comprehensive biblical theology of the spiritual life that provides the basis for a relevant biblical methodology for spiritual growth. Biblical counseling and spiritual formation will offer a theological and practical approach to sanctification that is effective in the “real” world where people hope, dream, stumble, fall, and live everyday.

Three Books for My Birthday

Three Books for My Birthday

What more could I want for my next birthday than three books--especially if they are my own books! On August 1, my birthday, Beyond the Suffering will be released by Baker Books. That same day, BMH Books will release the revised third editions of Soul Physicians and Spiritual Friends. Quite the birthday present.

All three books, though unique in their own way, have one guiding theme: using the Word of God and the history of the Christian church to relate God's truth to our daily lives and ministry.

Soul Physicians provides a unique theology of Christian living.

Spiritual Friends builds upon this theology by offering a training manual for developing 22 skills of biblical counseling.

Beyond the Suffering highlights how lay and pastoral African Americans practiced soul care and spiritual direction to move one another beyond the horrible suffering of enslavement to a place of healing hope through Christ's resurrection power.

Yep, a pretty nice birthday present!

A Spiritual Friendship Pact

A Spiritual Friendship Pact

St. Teresa looked upon human friendship as a joint journey, a spiritual pilgrimage to the fatherland. To four trusted friends she extended this invitation:

“I should like the five of us who at present love each other in Christ to make a kind of pact that since others in these times gather together in secret against His Majesty to prepare wicked deeds and heresies, we might seek to gather together some time to free each other from illusions and to speak about how we might mend our ways and please God more since no one knows himself as well as others who observe him if they do so with love and concern for his progress. I saw we should gather in secret because this kind of talk is no longer in fashion.”

Not Only in Her Day

It was not only in her day that gathering for spiritual friendship was no longer in fashion. How seldom we gather for such purposes in our day.

What does it take? According to Teresa:

1. A Pact: A communicated commitment.

2. A Plan: A gathering together. Connecting.

3. A Purpose: To free each other from sin's deceitfulness, to mend our ways, and to please God.

4. A Passion: To know each other deeply enough and with enough care and concern to be able to provide loving feedback leading to self-awareness.

5. A Person: Jesus Christ. Human spiritual friendships always point to the ultimate Spiritual Friend--God.

My Story of Spiritual Friendship

My Story of Spiritual Friendship

In many ways, I entered the ministry of spiritual friendship "kicking and screaming." In fact, I entered the "people-helping" field in that resistive fashion.

Three decades ago, I entered seminary on the typical pastoral track of preaching the Word. Unfortunately, that track often meant, and meant in my case at the time, that I would preach the Word from the pulpit, but then stay comfortably far enough away from using the Word personally with individuals.

Christ's Plans

Christ had other plans. And He does work, as they say, work in mysterious ways. My older brother, an agnostic at the time, learned that I needed money to pay for seminary (what a novel need). He said, "Bob, you're going to be a pastor-person. Pastor-persons work with people. Why not work at the local psychiatric inpatient unit?"

The rest, as they say, is history. But quite a jagged, ragged, criss-crossing history.

Four years of work on a "psych unit" altered the course of my life ministry. However, it took another trail of tears to move me from "psychological people helping" to spiritual friendship.

During the last of my four years in seminary, "counsel wars" erupted between rival factions at the seminary. They debated the proper way to offer Christian counseling (though their debates were far less "Christian" than one might have hoped).

I kept thinking during these debates, battles, skirmishes, and wars, "But no one is talking about what happened for 2,000 years before the advent of the modern Christian counseling movement!" That question, once again, altered the course of my life's ministry.

Spiritual Trek and Sovereign Stumbling

Starting then, and continuing for over a quarter-century (and still continuing), I began examining the history of spiritual friendship. I sovereignly stumbled upon the twin concepts of soul care and spiritual direction and the four core spiritual care concepts identified as "sustaining, healing, reconciling, and guiding." Once alerted to their existence, I found them everywhere in every "model" of people helping. Together, they offer a "balanced," comprehensive, and comprehendible approach to helping people spiritually.

Sustaining

Working with these historic spiritual friendship motifs, I developed a thread or theme for each. Sustaining: "It's normal to hurt." It highlights biblical care through empathic connection, soul-to-soul, with another image bearer. I picture it as "climbing in the casket," the macabre image reminding me to enter the death-like separation and despairing soul situations of my directees.

Healing

The thread of healing calls out: "It's possible to hope." If sustaining climbs in the casket, then healing "celebrates the empty tomb." Healing is scriptural care through encouraging communion, soul-to-soul, with another human being. It works with the Spirit of God to shepherd people to move beyond the suffering to a place of healing hope.

Reconciling

The theme of reconciling expresses the human cry for redemption: "It's horrible to sin, but wonderful to be forgiven." It "speaks the truth in love." Reconciling is spiritual friendship through exposing the awfulness of sin and the separation that it brings, while always remembering that where "sin abounds, grace superabounds."

Guiding

The motif of guiding, perhaps most often associated in people's minds with spiritual direction, says "It's supernatural to mature." Every directee is ultimately motivated by the desire, the passion, for spiritual growth. What promotes such growth? Not what, but Who?

God.

He supernaturally works within the human soul. The work of the director is summarized by the image of "fanning into flame the gift of God." The directee, already in the process of sustaining, healing, and reconciling, has all that he or she needs to live the spiritual life. Those gifts simply need to be fanned into flame.

Life Changing

The ministry of spiritual friendship has changed my life. This "model" is what God "uses" in my own spiritual walk. Thus, through Him, I am being transformed bit-by-bit, day-by-day as He sustains, heals, reconciles, and guides my faith.

The ministry of spiritual friendship has changed my ministry. This "model" allows me to restfully engage directees confident that there is a God-ordained path to follow. Not a GPS that tells me when and where to turn at every intersection. Rather, a map with compass points. These directional markers of SHRG (sustaining, healing, reconciling, guiding) provide directions for this spiritual director to confidently, calmly head, under the direction of the ultimate Spiritual Director.

What's Your Story?

What's you story of spiritual friendship? Feel free to e-mail me your story (bob.kellemen@gmail.com), or to post your story in the comment section below this Blog entry.

Converging Streams, Mighty River

Converging Streams, Mighty River

Biblical counseling today is moving onto the right path. Perhaps a little history lesson (stay with me, history can be fasincation, honest; and I did say little") would be helpful.

One Anothering Spiritual Friendship

Long before our current debates about what makes biblical counseling "biblical," New Testament writers spoke about "one anothering." Every believer was to love one another, encourage one another, confront one another, disciple one another, etc.

Biblical counseling is nothing more, nothing lss, than biblical one anothering.

In the long stream of Church history, for centuries this one anothering became known as spiritual friendship. Not only did pastors and theologians provide spiritual friendship for lay people, but lay people provided it for pastors and theologians.

Various streams of spiritual friendship converged and merged into four mighty tributaries along two prominent rivers (to continued our river analogy):

*Soul Care: Comforting the Suffering

*Sustaining: Empathizing--"It's Normal to Hurt"
*Healing: Encouraging--"It's Possible to Hope"

*Spiritual Direction: Challenging the Sinning

*Reconciling: Exhorting--"It's Horrible to Sin/Wonderful to Be Forgiven"
*Guiding: Empowering--"It's Supernatural to Mature"

Other Flowing Rivers

Throughout Church history, Christians faced and interacted with non-Christian ways of people helping. At times, Christians rejected all such "worldly" ways of helping. At other times, they chose to use the language of the day, while keeping the biblical concepts. At still other times, they decided to merge certain principles from the world with principles from the Word. (This is an all-too-broad summary, but I did say a "little" history lesson.)

Beginning with modern secular psychology, many Christians leaders replaced historic one anothering with secular theory. (This is another very broad generalization. However, unlike the preceding 1850 years, history does demonstrate a major surrender of historic bibical counseling themes from 1850 to 1950, especially among American and European White Protestants.)

The Modern/Post-Modern Thread

Here's where the story gets really fascinating.

In the 1960s and 70s, several biblical counseling movements launched attempts to reclaim the mantle of people helping. Unfortunately, like many such movements that are a reaction against something, they tended to be unbalanced.

One such movement tended to focus predominantly on reconciling and guiding through confronting sin. It was biblical in that exhorting people to escape sin is biblical. However, what it gained on the truth side of one anothering, it lost on the love side.

Another such movement tended to focus on sustaining and healing through comforting the suffering. It was biblical in that encouraging suffering people is biblical. However, what it gained on the love side of one anothering, it lost on the truth side.

Counsel Wars

For the next half century, these two competing models did just that--they competed. Often, they did so with less civility than the on-looking secular world. To this day, these counsel wars continue . . . sadly.

Go to the Internet, read Blogs, type in certain names, and you will find each side claiming that the other side is filled with "psychoheretics."

One side accuses the other side of the psychoheresy of the failure to love the suffering. They call them "relational heretics." They say that their opponents fail the test of orthopraxy (biblical love).

Another side accuses the other side of the psychoheresy of the failure to confront the sinning. They call them "theological heretics." They say that their opponents fail the test of orthodoxy (biblical truth).

Converging Streams

Fortunately, the two side, at times, are merging and bringing the best of both worlds while losing the worse of the world.

Why is this happening now?

Mainly because history is in vogue once again among Christians. Protestant Christians in particular, who for nearly 500-years avoided history and traditon for fear (terror) that it might smack of "Romish Ritual and Human Tradition," are now recognizing that the Holy Spirit has a history.

Returning to the Bible and Church history, Protestants are unearthing the embedded stream of spiritual friendship with its twin tributaries of soul care and spiritual direction.

Once again, one anothering that values truth and love, that focuses on suffering and sinning, and that appreciates sustaining, healing, reconciling, and guiding is rising to the surface and winning the day.

How incredible!

In other words, biblical one anothering spiritual friendship is flowing again like a mighty river.

So What?

What does this have to do with you? I did, after all, call this Blog a history lesson. A few questions to ponder can help us to apply today's history lesson.

1. As you evaluate current models of people helping, ask, "Does this model exhibit all four streams (sustaining, healing, reconciling, and guiding)?"

2. As you think about the church where you are a member, ask, "Does it exhibit all four streams? If not, what could I do to help?"

3. As you reflect upon your own way of offering spiritual friendship, ask, "Do I exhibit all four streams?"

4. As you interact about current models of people helping, ask, "Am I interacting in a spirit of speaking the truth in love?"

Let's finally "get it right" by practicing orthopraxy and orthodoxy in our one anothering spiritual friendships by speaking the truth in love through biblical and historical soul care and spiritual direction.

A Voice of Healing

A Voice of Healing

Picture the scene. It’s Civil War America. Women have no right to vote. Across the South, Blacks have no rights whatsoever. President Lincoln is assassinated. His widow, Mary Lincoln, is left devastated. To whom does she turn?

To a Black woman.

To Elizabeth Keckley.

In the story of her life Behind the Scenes, or Thirty Years a Slave and Four Years in the White House, Keckley explains, “. . . I have been intimately associated with that lady (Mrs. Lincoln) in the most eventful periods of her life. I have been her confidante . . .”[1]

Given the inauspicious beginnings of Keckley’s life story, her spiritual friendship with Mary Lincoln is staggering. “My life has been an eventful one. I was born a slave—was the child of slave parents—therefore I came upon the earth free in God-like thought, but fettered in action.”[2]

How in the world did a Black woman of that cultural era become confidante to the slain President’s wife? Keckley understood how. “God rules the universe.”[3]

All Silver in Heaven

Like her Savior, Keckley was a woman of sorrow acquainted with grief, and thus able to bring sustaining and healing spiritual care to Mrs. Lincoln. Though enslaved, her first few years were at least spent in the love of her intact family. However, soon her father was sold to another slaver. As Keckley picturesquely recalls it:

“But the golden dream faded all too soon. . . . The announcement fell upon the little circle in that rude log cabin like a thunderbolt. I can remember the scene as if it were but yesterday;—how my father cried out against the cruel separation; his last kiss; his wild straining of my mother to his bosom; the solemn prayer to Heaven; the tears and sobs—the fearful anguish of broken hearts. The last kiss, the last goodbye; and he, my father, was gone, gone forever. . . . The shadow eclipsed the sunshine, and love brought despair. The parting was eternal. The cloud had no silver lining, but I trust that it will be all silver in heaven.”[4]

Years later, through a series of sovereign appointments, Elizabeth Keckley finds herself in the role of dressmaker for the President’s wife. More than that, she finds herself in the role as the President’s wife sacred friend.

A Tornado of Sorrow

Upon the announcement of the President’s death, Mrs. Lincoln was inconsolable. Mrs. Secretary Wells asked Mrs. Lincoln who could comfort her. “Is there no one, Mrs. Lincoln, that you desire to have with you in this terrible affliction?”

Mrs. Lincoln responded, “Yes, send for Elizabeth Keckley. I want her just as soon as she can be brought here.”[5]

Bringing her in, Mrs. Wells excused herself and Keckley was left alone with Mrs. Lincoln. “She was nearly exhausted with grief, and when she became a little quiet, I asked and received permission to go into the Guests’ Room, where the body of the President lay in state.”[6]

Returning to Mrs. Lincoln’s room, Keckley reports:

“I found her in a paroxysm of grief. Robert was bending over his mother with tender affection, and little Tad was crouched at the foot of the bed with a world of agony in his young face. I shall never forget the scene—the wails of a broken heart, the unearthly shrieks, the terrible convulsions, the wild, tempestuous outbursts of grief over the soul.”[7]

How did Keckley respond? “I bathed Mrs. Lincoln’s head with cold water, and soothed the terrible tornado as best I could. Tad’s grief at his father’s death was as great as the grief of his mother, but her terrible outbursts awed the boy into silence.”[8]

Beyond the Dark, Mysterious Shadows of Death

In those days, of all people, a formerly enslaved Black woman was the one human being on the face of the earth who could comfort the President’s widow! And how? With her empathy. With her silence. With her physical presence. With her loving companionship.

“Every room in the White House was darkened, and every one spoke in subdued tones, and moved about with muffled tread. The very atmosphere breathed of the great sorrow which weighed heavily upon each heart. Mrs. Lincoln never left her room. She denied admittance to almost every one, and I was her only companion, except her children, in the days of her great sorrow.”[9]

Mrs. Lincoln’s testimony says it all. “Lizabeth, you are my best and kindest friend, and I love you as my best friend.”[10]

Elizabeth Keckley not only understood how to offer sustaining comfort. She also recognized how to impart healing hope. “At the grave, at least, we should be permitted to lay our burden down, that a new world, a world of brightness, may open to us. The light that is denied us here should grow into a flood of effulgence beyond the dark, mysterious shadows of death.”[11]

The Voice of the Voiceless

All of us, even the “best trained,” at times feel speechless when face-to-face with a grieving family member. But have we an excuse to remain voiceless?

If a Black woman in Civil War America—the epitome of voicelessness—can soothe the tumult of the President’s widow, can we not find our voice in the Wonderful Counselor? A voice that speaks out of our own melting grief, a voice that speaks with soothing kindness, a voice that speaks of heavenly hope. A courageous voice from a courageous soul set free by the One who calls Himself the Word.

[1]Keckley, Elizabeth. Behind the Scenes, or Thirty Years a Slave and Four Years in the White House. Reprinted by the Schomburg Library of Nineteenth-Century Black Women Writers, ed. Henry Louis Gates, Jr., New York: Oxford University Press, 1988, p. xiv.
[2]Ibid., p. 17.
[3]Ibid., p. xii.
[4]Ibid., pp. 22-24.
[5]Ibid., p. 189.
[6]Ibid.
[7]Ibid., pp. 191-192.
[8]Ibid.
[9]Ibid., pp. 192-193.
[10]Ibid., p. 210.
[11]Ibid., p. 24.

Ask for the Ancient Paths

Ask for the Ancient Paths

Living in a generation without answers, facing abuse from every direction, pending destruction crouching around the corner, Israel desperately needed to heed God’s counsel. “Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for yours souls” (Jeremiah 6:16a, emphasis added). God pictures His people as lost travelers on a life-and-death journey. Confronting a fork in the road, they are to stop to ask directions because the ancient markers are overgrown and need to be searched again.

But who should they consult? Their fellow travelers find themselves just as blinded by their corrupt culture. Reminiscent of the words of Moses, they are to “remember the days of old; consider the generation long past. Ask your father and he will tell you, your elders, and they will explain to you” (Deuteronomy 32:7).

If they are humble enough to seek wisdom from the former generations and discover what their ancestors learned, then they will find rest for their souls—soul care and spiritual direction. Unfortunately, in their arrogance they say, “We will not walk in it” (Jeremiah 6:16b).

A Forgotten Art: Reclaiming Our Historic Mantle of Mutual Ministry

Are we so different? In swiftly changing times, as we desperately search every which way for spiritual solutions, we seem to lack respect for traditional time-tested ways in which past Christian cultures have dealt with personal problems. We prefer the latest trends and newest fads.[i]

All the while we could be drinking deeply from the rivers of historic Christianity. Specifically, we could be feasting from the root system of African American Christianity. Given the anchorless times that they endured, given the endless abuses that they survived and over which they thrived, who has history better equipped to direct us to the ancient paths of soul rest?

After years of saturating ourselves in their life stories, we’re convinced that the history of African American soul care and spiritual direction provides a spiritual root system deep enough to withstand high winds and parching draught so that our souls can be nourished and our spiritual lives can flourish.[ii] It’s our job to convince you. Beyond the Suffering calls for a reclaiming of the ancient gifts of soul care and spiritual direction, a restoration of the forgotten arts of sustaining, healing, reconciling, and guiding, and a reformation in how we practice ministry.

We’re joining our voices to a chorus summoning Christians back to their roots. The singers in this chorus suggest that we probe historic models of spiritual care for their implications for ministry today. They recommend that we examine how Christians dealt with spiritual and emotional issues before the advent of modern secular psychology.

Thomas Oden explains that too often Christians conceptualize personal ministry models without the aid of the historic voices of the Church. According to Oden, some Christians are only willing to listen to their own voice or the voice of contemporaries in the dialogue. “Christians have usually been losers when they have neglected the consensual writers of their own history and tradition.”[iii]

Wayne Oates notes that Christians “tend to start over from scratch every three or four generations.” Therefore, we do not adequately consolidate the communal wisdom of the centuries because of our “antipathy for tradition.” As a result, we “have accrued less capital” in the form of proverbs, manuals of mutual ministry, and a theology of body life.[iv]

William Clebsch and Charles Jaekle present a convincing explanation for our lack of contact with the history of Christian mutual care. “Faced with the urgency for some system by which to conceptualize the human condition and to deal with the modern grandeurs and terrors of the human spirit, theoreticians of the cure of souls have too readily adopted the leading academic psychologies. Having no pastoral theology to inform our psychology or even to identify the cure of souls as a mode of human helping, we have allowed psychoanalytic thought, for example, to dominate the vocabulary of the spirit.[v]

In other words, today’s crying needs drown out yesterday’s relevant answers. Why? Because we lack a sufficient awareness of the victorious ways in which people faced life issues in bygone centuries.

We sometimes overhear students entering our course on The History of Soul Care and Spiritual Direction bemoaning their presence. “Why in the world is this course required in our preparation for spiritual friendship?” Fortunately, we always hear students completing our course applauding their experience. “Wow! I never realized how vital past practice is for current ministry. I love history now!” Keep reading because we want to birth in you a deepening love for African American history by demonstrating its relevance for contemporary ministry.

[i] Pedersen, A Handbook for Developing Multicultural Awareness, p. 43.
[ii] Altschul, An Unbroken Circle, p. xiii.
[iii] Oden, Whatever Happened to History?, p. 7.
[iv] Oates, Protestant Pastoral Counseling, p. 11.
[v] Clebsch and Jaekle, Pastoral Care in Historical Perspective, p. xii.