Christ's Resurrection Power

Counseling and Abuse in Marriage
Part 7: Christ’s Resurrection Power

Summary: Marital abuse is one of the most traumatic issues an individual, couple, family, and church can face. Discussing it raises hotly defended convictions. How should God’s people respond to “abuse in marriage”?

Today, in my final blog post in this mini-series, I have some words to share for various individuals and groups.

*To the spouse experiencing abuse
*To the abusive spouse
*To pastors, counselors, and spiritual friends
*To the Body of Christ

To the Spouse Experiencing Abuse

Please, do not suffer in silence. Please, do not suffer alone.

I know, sometimes telling others can mean being revictimized because they disbelieve you, minimize, give pat answers, etc.

I know, depending on the situation, you’ve been told, “This is a private, family issue.” Or, you’ve been threatened if you tell anyone else.

Still, find a safe way to tell a safe person and get help for yourself, your marriage, your family.

Even if your spouse will not seek help, you need the support of others. Even one person changing—you—changing the dynamics of the situation.

We think of abuse being from husband to wife. However, my ministry experience and the private responses to this blog tell me that many wives are being abusive to their husbands. Husbands—get help. Overcome the stigma and be a shepherd in your home by facing the issue.

We care. I care. The Body of Christ cares. Most importantly, Christ cares.

To the Abusive Spouse

You can stop. Christ’s resurrection power is available.

Get help. Go to the Lord. Go to the Word. Go to your pastor. Get an accountability partner and an accountability group.

Humble yourself before God. Face reality. Deal with your inner heart issues. Change your behavior. Renew your heart and renew your home.

To Pastors, Counselors, and Spiritual Friends

Always remember 1 Thessalonians and the two “ingredients” in Paul’s “love sandwich”:

“I loved you so much that I was delighted to give you not only the Scriptures but my very own soul, because you were dear to me” (1 Thess. 2:8).

Paul starts and ends his words with love. In between these two “slices” of life, he inserts the two fundamental “ingredients” of Scripture and soul.

Truly biblical counseling begins and ends with love. It is speaking the truth in love. It is love abounding in depth of insight.

Truly biblical counseling is not impersonal; it is not preaching at, it is intimately engaging others with Christ’s pure love.

And truly biblical counseling involves both truth and love, both Scripture and soul. Engage the abusive marital situation from the context of the Word of God, not where you preach at, but where you converse, dialogue, and trialogue (you the counselor, the counselee, and the Divine Counselor).

Don’t victimize the victim. Love the spouse being abused. Equip him or her to live with bold love.

Don’t minimize the abuse, care-front the abusive spouse in love. Empower the abusive spouse to change by tapping into Christ’s resurrection power.

Be for the marriage and be for God’s glory.

To the Body of Christ

Let’s stop the silence.

Scores of people responded to me privately saying, “It’s about time someone talked about this in Christian circles.”

Preach and teach and do small group lessons on “texts of terror” in the Old Testament—which is not silent about abuse, especially males abusing women.

Preach and teach and do small group lessons on marriage.

Preach and teach and do small group lessons on God’s compassion for those who are victimized.

May we speak the truth in love so that the whole body grows together in truth and love. So that the onlooking world marvels at the way the church honestly handles this vital issue. So that the world witnesses in real life Christ’s resurrection power.